Last update: 06/11/2013
Uncertainty and doubt are an integral part of every person's life. However, these phenomena can be overcome.
You have probably heard the phrase: "The only stable feeling in life is doubt." The fact that unexpected events and changes often occur in life is not necessarily a bad circumstance.
This is the reality that life itself presents to us. And it is she who helps us become stronger.
Life's problems and periods of doubt are part and parcel of our lives that contribute to the development of consciousness, says Joyce Marter, a psychotherapist and author of numerous practical recommendations.
But for many of us, doubts bring a lot of inconvenience. This is especially true in cases where the situation is important to us and we become dependent on a specific result, says Tom Corboy, founder and CEO Medical Center Los Angeles.
For example, you may feel uncomfortable and doubtful when your romantic relationship is in trouble or there is a threat that you will lose your job. Because doubts are uncomfortable, many of us try to manage them or get rid of them altogether. Doctors regularly observe such symptoms in patients who are trying to cope with doubts.
For example, when a person is compulsively forced to wash his hands, he really begins to doubt that they are clean. If someone experiences a panic fear of flying in an airplane, he tries to cope with his discomfort and doubts that the trip will be uneventful.
In fact, compulsive behavior provides only temporary peace of mind while avoiding certain circumstances and reinforces doubt. Simulation of the situation increases the initial fear, which gradually takes over the human consciousness. To understand whether you have an anxiety disorder or not, you can analyze the ways in which you are trying to cope with constant doubts.
And yet it is quite possible to overcome doubts. Here are the most effective ways:
Get rid of stereotypes
“If we live according to the principle that everything should happen according to a certain scenario, it will not be possible to avoid endless disappointment,” says Corboy, co-author of the book “ Tutorial for the development of Mindfulness. Can you not try to predict how things should happen? Can you accept other possibilities or outcomes?
Working Through Anxious Thoughts
Cognitive restructuring is a powerful way to gain confidence. “The main idea is not to blindly accept negative thoughts, which are so easy to succumb to, but to develop the ability to resist them,” says Corboy.
For example, if the thought “doubts are unacceptable” arises, it should be replaced with a more constructive one: “doubts may occur, but this is acceptable and tolerable.” If the thought “I can’t deal with doubts” arises, replace it with the thesis: “I’m not very worried about the cause of doubts, but I can handle them.”
accept doubt
"For some people, the idea of accepting the discomfort of doubt is unacceptable and they don't even try," Corboy said. He suggested developing the skills to analyze any doubts in order to learn how to manage them. For example, developing mindfulness can help a person deal with uncomfortable feelings calmly. Using the methods of analysis, you can learn to live with the feeling of insecurity and gain confidence that it is really within your power.
Marter suggested drawing on the work of Eckhart Toll to gain confidence in any situation. When we have firm convictions, our thoughts will not be disturbed by any doubts. The psychologist created a patient manual a little before he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He believes that the confidence in a good outcome is what helped him during the first grueling weeks after being diagnosed and starting treatment. It seems incredible, but a year later he still shares the beliefs of Eckhart Toll.
Read the Serenity Prayer
Use the power of the Serenity Prayer, Marter advises. Make a list of what you can do and follow those steps. Also, be aware of the things you can't do and visualize what you want to achieve.
Take an active position
"When doubts start to creep in, the most important thing is to challenge any behavior that drives your discomfort," says Corboy. This means flying if it causes fear or not washing your hands if you're worried they might have germs on them.
Allow yourself to feel insecure and continue to live as if nothing had happened. At first, you may feel extremely uncomfortable, but over time you will get used to this feeling.
Try Therapy
Therapy can be a huge help for someone who has occasional doubts and worries. Corboy suggested the use of therapy, which is based on the idea that by trying to eliminate our discomfort, which is a natural part of life, we only increase it. From a medical point of view, when we are faced with the problem of doubt, the goal is to accept the problem, and decide, in spite of them, to act according to our personal values.
“... his doubts did not stop at all, he already knew from his own experience that faith and doubt are inseparable, that they condition each other, like inhalation and exhalation…”
` Hermann Hesse - The Glass Bead Game
I often get questions like this from readers: “I want to start my own business / create my own blog / get rid of depression and panic attacks, but I am scared and anxious, I doubt that I will succeed. How can I stop doubting so I can take action?”
The short answer to this question (very often) would be:
"NO WAY!"
Yes, you read everything right! Doubt in a very large number of cases can not be removed. Most likely, this is not the answer you wanted to hear.
And you most likely wanted me to look into the magic ball, see your future and dispel all your doubts, assuring you that all your wishes will 100% come true!
Yes, this is what you want.
But this is not what you need!
I don't give magic advice. For them, not for me. I am not a predictor of the future.
And in general, the desire to completely get rid of doubt, no matter how paradoxical it may sound, very often underlies the biggest failures in life.
Most people never achieve success in life for one simple reason:
You wait and wait for the doubts to pass, and you still don’t decide on anything. Why? Because waiting for it to happen is like hoping high tide won't be followed by low tide, or that water won't turn to ice in a freezer.
Doubt is as much a part of human nature as changes in the state of aggregation of a liquid depending on temperature are part of the nature of the environment.
So why not strive to get rid of doubts?
Doubting is okay!
Show me a man who never doubts anything. To whom it seems that he clearly sees the future and knows in advance how his fate will turn out. For which in life everything is finally defined and lined. For which the course of reality is completely predictable, devoid of unexpected turns.
"Unhappy! Or a psychopath!- you will say and you will be right.
Nobody can see the future!
We are human and have to live in a state of uncertainty and uncertainty. And in this lies not only our suffering, but also our happiness! After all, life with inexorable unpredictability brings down on us not only troubles, but also sudden joys.
Birth of a child. A sudden cure from a long illness. New acquaintance. An accidental but fateful meeting. Happy win.
Who doesn't like surprises? =)
And doubts - this is a reflection in the human mind of the objective properties of the surrounding world, that is, its uncertainty.
Of course, you can create a picture of the world in which everything is defined and known. A world where you can be 100% sure of everything. You can also populate this imaginary world with pink elephants and fill it with cotton candy that hangs from tree branches. Summer. And in winter it is instead of snow.
Why not?
But in this case, you will need to prepare for the fact that this fake cozy little world will break into smithereens about an unpredictable and changeable reality.
instead of pink cotton candy white snow appears. Best case scenario. At worst - wet, sticky and dirty poop, which lies in Moscow instead of snow.
But the snow in Moscow is just like that! Wet and dirty. Whether you like it or not.
And the world is just like that, changeable and uncertain. Whether you like it or not.
It turns out that doubt is not only normal, but also honest. I don't know how things will turn out in the future. And I am directly aware of this. I'm honest with myself - that's why I doubt.
Yes, my expectations may not be justified. I can expect failure, and possibly complete failure.
But I can also expect success. And happiness, and good health, and big money, and fame, and everything that the human heart so desires!
And there's only one way to see how things turn out.
It's to stop being led by doubt and start fucking acting! Keep doubting and only then act!
Here is the focus. Thanks to which the most successful people who you know and have become so successful.
(In this article, I will use the term “success.” By success, I mean not only financial success(although his too), but also any realization of life goals: getting rid of an illness, gaining close relationships, achieving enlightenment, and so on. Let's say Buddha and Mahatma Gandhi were successful, from this point of view)
Doubts don't get in the way
I invite you right now to do my favorite thought exercise from acceptance and responsibility therapy, which very well illustrates the connection of thoughts with actions, or rather, the lack of such an obvious connection between one and the other that is usually attributed to these things.
Read the instructions first, and then do it yourself.
Close your eyes.
And start thinking to yourself: "I can't raise my hand! I can't raise my hand! I can't raise my hand"
Repeat this phrase in your mind for a few seconds in a circle.
And now. Raise your hand! While continuing to think: "I can't raise my hand!"
Amazing, isn't it?
After all, there was no difficulty in raising your limb to the sky or ceiling \u003d)
What conclusion can be drawn here?
And such that we attach great importance to our thoughts. It seems to us that in order to do and realize something, our head must be filled with some specific thoughts. And no others!
Otherwise, nothing will work.
This is nonsense!
Thought is just a piece of information that our mind generates. A set of words. Text flashing through the mind. Running line in the head.
The bus may say: “follows the metro Teatralnaya”, and the bus itself goes straight to Bibirevo!
Also your mind can tell you: “You can't do it! You're a loser! You won't succeed!"
And you can right along with this running line in your head stubbornly move into your Golden Eldorado.
Or to your Golden Bibirevo, which is also not bad, depending on what your goals are.
Speaking about myself, I constantly doubt myself and everything in general. It seems to me that only stubborn fanatics do not doubt.
When I started building my site, I thought: “what if it doesn’t work out?”, “what if no one reads the site?”
When I monetized it, my mind told me: “What if it doesn’t come out? Suddenly you will not be able to provide and feed your family by doing what you love?
When I released my first Don't Panic course, my mind threw in new food for doubt: “But what if you can’t cope with such a task? Suddenly no one will be interested in the course?
In the end, none of these doubts, fortunately for me, came true! I acted despite my doubts. I doubted it and did it anyway.
No, of course, I don't mean to say that I always ignore these messages by sending them to my internal spam folder.
Sometimes I listen to doubts. If my mind tells me: “It’s better not to get into this taxi, the driver clearly smells of alcohol, what if you get into an accident?” I better listen to him.
Everything depends on the situation. Often doubts help me make the right decisions.
And in a situation where my mind tells me: “what if you don’t succeed?”, it becomes for me rather a signal to rein in my arrogance, to take the matter more carefully than just capitulate:
“We need to double-check this, this, and that before continuing!”
Sometimes I can engage in a dialogue with my mind, start asking it "Socratic questions": “What evidence is there that I won’t succeed? Why did you even decide that?
This also sometimes works. In some cases, doubts can really be resolved by such a dispassionate analysis. Send a life-giving breath of common sense to them, and they "fall off" like a dry leaf from a branch.
But this, unfortunately, does not always work. Why?
Because very often our so-called " common sense»is subject to momentary anxiety.
And attempts to convince yourself in these moments that “everything will work out” are very often doomed to failure!
American psychotherapist David Carbonell describes such a curious phenomenon that is common to people with anxiety disorder and. But I think that this can be attributed, in one way or another, to all people.
People with increased anxiety tend to exaggerate the danger:
"The plane I'm on will crash!"
“What if I get into an accident!”
“What if the roof gives way and falls on me?”
And now, imagine, you are torn apart by all these fears. You turn to your friends for support.
They say: "Do not worry everything will be fine!". Although it is known that “do not worry” is the most pointless advice in the world!
You think: “How do they know that everything will be fine? I’ll go to a psychotherapist, he will definitely help me!”
And the therapist says: “These are irrational attitudes. You exaggerate the danger and catastrophize. In fact, the chance of a plane crash is one in ten million!”
But that doesn't suit you either. You want to be 100% sure that nothing will happen to you! That your worries will definitely never come true.
And this is where the trap comes in.
Because in theory, anything can happen! Your plane could theoretically crash. At the same time, fall onto the roof, and be bombarded with its debris. And if the roof belonged to a large garage or car dealership, then here's a car accident for you at the same time!
There is a possibility of anything. The death of oneself, the death of relatives, a terrible illness, a catastrophe.
But the good news is that this probability is not so great (although the probability of dying within a hundred years tends to be 100%). Just momentary anxiety elevates this probability to the rank of almost one hundred percent catastrophe!
Of course, this does not mean that I live every day with a gloomy thought: "I could die any second!"
(Although sometimes thinking about death still stimulates me to spend less time on all sorts of nonsense, including meaningless worries about death: “Why waste this finite life on anxiety? We must live!”)
On a simple everyday level, I certainly believe that everything will be fine with me. As everyone believes. I am buying plane tickets to Moscow because I have an exam soon. I'm preparing hard for it, but I don't think: “What if my plane doesn’t fly?”
But in moments of anxiety, our mind is not satisfied with this worldly faith. He wants to get 100% theoretical success rate:
“Nothing will happen to me. I will not die. Never ever. In life!"
And since there is a theoretical possibility of anything ...
And if our mind during anxiety always focuses on negative side life, in a disaster ...
This means that attempts at such moments to convince yourself that “everything will be fine” often turn out to be untenable.
And, as I wrote, this can be attributed not only to anxiety disorder.
Many people do not dare to do anything because of their doubts. They are ready to start acting only when they have absolute confidence in success. And no doubt!
But no one and nothing can provide them with this confidence due to objective reasons.
Therefore, most people continue to work at an unloved job. Establish an unpromising relationship ("What if the new ones don't work?"), suffer from depression and anxiety ( “What if it doesn’t help me?”).
And not because they doubt!
But because their doubts are for them the ultimate reality and a barrier that they cannot cross!
After all, successful people also doubt! They are not sorcerers, not soothsayers. They cannot know the future. But their difference from most is that they can accept the unknown, give room inside for a sense of uncertainty and at the same time act, take calculated risks.
This is not identical to dashing recklessness, stubborn, blind movement through life windbreaks.
Yes, doubt can protect us from the dangers of impulsive decisions. But they can also provoke inertia, stop development, if we obey them.
Very often, the task of doubt is simply to save us from the need for any movement so that we hang out in our comfort zone for as long as possible.
This, again, is natural. Man by nature is an inert and lazy creature that is afraid of change. Which is ready to put up with any discomfort, just not to indulge in the unknown. The illusion of "stability", "certainty" for him is much more important than many other things, even those associated with new opportunities and attractive prospects.
(I say illusion because, in fact, there is no certainty)
His dreams turn out to be unfulfilled, plans unfulfilled, desires buried.
The comfort zone eventually turns into a discomfort zone!
There is nothing wrong with the need to stay in the (dis)comfort zone. It's simple life choice most people.
It's just that this choice has both pros and cons. And everyone decides what is more important to him than he is willing to sacrifice and for what.
In order to understand what is more important for you, ask yourself what will happen if I follow these doubts, obey them? What can my life be like then?
“What will happen if I continue to work at this terrible job because I am afraid to start something of my own?”
“What happens if I don’t start fighting depression because I doubt that anything can help me?”
“What will happen if I continue to cling to the old relationship?”
Undoubtedly, one can single out the advantages of staying in the "comfort zone" and not leaving it anywhere.
The pluses include, for example, the illusion of certainty described above. Feeling of stability. It’s as if you don’t even risk anything (only only your future happiness - what a trifle! After all, you can always neglect this, right?). You will not need to make difficult, responsible decisions, but simply continue to go with the flow.
Don't try to throw them away. Don't try to tear out a part of yourself.
And move forward TOGETHER with fear. TOGETHER with anxiety. TOGETHER with doubts!
They say that doubt is a sign of a developed intellect and a rich imagination. We doubt the correctness of actions when we realize the multivariate development of events. And what to do if doubts immobilize and become torments?
“To be or not to be, that is the question. Is it worthy to endure the disgrace of fate without a murmur. Do you need to resist? Rise up, arm yourself, conquer. Or die, die, sleep? - such doubts tormented Hamlet, the hero of Shakespeare's tragedy. The agony of doubt is familiar to everyone. And this, indeed, is the real torment that poisons our lives.
Doubting, we mentally play out different scenarios in a particular case, consult with friends and relatives, spend an incredible amount mental strength and energy, and in the end we feel devastation that does not allow us to rejoice, even if the result lives up to expectations. As the Italian writer Silvio Pellico wrote, "... who loves to delve into doubts, deprives his soul of strength."
A person who gives vent to doubts, as a result, generally loses the ability to make a decision, because it involves responsibility, which eternally doubting people try to avoid. They prefer not to express, refer to someone else's or avoid answering.
But to order yourself not to doubt and follow the advice “if you are thinking about whether to do or not to do it, it’s better not to do it” is also not an option. The English writer Gilbert K. Chesterton remarked ironically that "only materialists and madmen know no doubts." And the Austrian diplomat Sh.-Zh. de Ligne said about this: "There are two kinds of fools: some do not doubt anything, others doubt everything."
There is another point of view on doubt, according to which it is a great shortcoming, weakness, and even a sin. Doubts serve as a brake on a person's path to development and perfection. They talk about the weakness of his mind, incapable of adequate analysis, decision-making and implementation. “A mind that doubts is fruitless and ineffective”, “A doubting person can be called a loser”, “Doubts debilitate, take away vital energy”, “The worm of doubt gnaws at him” - such harsh statements accompany people who are prone to lengthy reflection and hesitation in solving life problems.
Doubts are conventionally divided into positive and negative. The presence of positive is understandable and justified. For example, we have the opportunity to open a pharmacy in our area, but we doubt it, because there are already plenty of them here. The wrong decision will lead to the fact that instead of the expected profit, we will receive losses.
Another thing is if our doubts are caused by and. These are negative doubts, the result of which is the rejection of plans, the opportunity to realize oneself, and maybe even a better future. William Shakespeare called such doubts traitors, because: "... they deprive us of the good that we often could have acquired."
What makes us doubt
1 . There is an opinion that doubt - a state of uncertainty when we hesitate to make a judgment, to make a final choice - It is inherent in a person from the very beginning and is closely connected with the instinct of self-preservation.
After all, when we make a decision, we take risks. Doubt tells us that something is going or could go wrong. Our mind is not able to capture all the factors that can change the course of events and influence the outcome of a case. Some new minor detail, a sudden unforeseen circumstance, can interfere with our well-planned actions and cause big problems. As the famous Agatha Christie said, “There are always doubts, in everything. Suddenly, some factor that cannot be taken into account may appear and it will overturn the apple cart.”
2. Absence necessary knowledge, ability to analyze, low self-esteem and self-doubt also give rise to doubt. They are inherent in people who consider themselves eternal losers and therefore set themselves up for a negative result in advance. They explain their doubts with standard phrases: “Not with my happiness ...”, “I still won’t succeed”, “I’m unlucky”.
Their long thoughts and hesitations, because "they both want and prick", usually end with a retreat without an attempt to test themselves. It is curious that people believe in a negative outcome of a case and negative statements much more readily than in positive ones.
3. “What will people think? What if they don't approve?". A person cannot make a choice because he is torn apart by doubts: he wants what, in his opinion, colleagues, friends, parents will condemn.
Divorce your wife or husband? Life has become unbearable, there is darkness ahead without any hope of improving relations. I'm stuck in a loop. But what about obligations, responsibilities? No one will understand, everyone will turn away.
I made a mistake in choosing a specialty, I want to change jobs - what are you, a fool? Where else will you be paid so much? What will we live on? Doubts of this kind are so exhausting that a person prefers to leave everything as it is.
The motto of people who have the habit of chewing the same thoughts a hundred times should be the words: “If you are afraid - don’t do it, if you do it - don’t be afraid, you did it - don’t regret it.”
3. Morning is wiser than evening
“Go to sleep, rest; The morning is wiser than the evening!"- we remember this phrase well from children's fairy tales. Its meaning is that you don’t need to look for a way out of a predicament at night and solve important problems. Fatigue and nervous tension accumulated during the day will prevent you from adequately assessing the situation. Sometimes what we unsuccessfully struggle with in the evening is easily resolved in the morning, when strength is restored.
4. Be positive
Constantly doubting people almost always regret the decision made, whatever it may be, and mentally play the same situation several times, engage in self-discipline, wasting their time, strength and vitality. But there is an opinion that doubts haunt precisely those people who have too little such energy.
But we're not our own enemy, are we? Therefore, we live here and now, forget about our past and others negative experience and concentrate on the positive, look for and fill life with positive emotions that will block the possible negative.
5. Do nothing
If we cannot make a choice, we will try to forget about its necessity for a while. And one day the decision will come to us by itself - we suddenly clearly realize what we want.
You know, it happens - you really want something (or maybe you are already acting to get what you want), but every time you are afraid of something. There is always a fear that something will go wrong. Moreover, you are constantly looking for confirmation of this. Eventually, there comes a point where you give up. All that remains is to wave your hand and mutter under your breath, seeing in yourself once again the gift of foresight: “I knew that nothing would work out!”
What are you talking about?! And why suddenly your desire should be fulfilled if you yourself do not believe in it?
All obstacles are only in our head, there are also fears. And only we ourselves can fight them! Either you believe in your desire and help it come true, or you don't believe in your goal or in yourself. For each option there will be a corresponding result.
But how to get rid of this internal anxiety, how to remove these obsessive fears?
One day I began to doubt my desire. Then I used the method, which I will describe below, and got good results. Now I use this technique every time I feel some kind of doubt.
My husband and I are redecorating our living room. Here, in the future, a corner for children's games was also planned, since we were expecting a second baby. Our work has reached the stage of “we should start doing repairs”. There was nowhere to put the old sofa and armchairs, there was no time to deal with the sale (no one even wanted to take them for free); an acquaintance who was supposed to glue wallpaper, lay linoleum, etc. periodically did not go to work (something always “happened” with him); linoleum, which we needed, could only be brought to order, and wait several weeks; the only sofa we liked was crazy money; I had no idea what a chandelier should be; the furniture maker they wanted to contact was planning to go on vacation; I planned to include turquoise color in the interior in the form of curtains and pillows on the sofa, but I doubted that it would be appropriate, and I would not find the right shade and much more.
Then something went wrong, then I doubted everything and was afraid of everything (there’s also hormones). Before the birth of the baby, 2.5 months remained, and we still did not have a horse lying around. There is devastation in the house, all things are in the rooms in the corners in boxes, and I am afraid of only one thing - to come from the maternity hospital with a child to an unfinished apartment, where there is a mess and there is no comfort. Naturally, I cried about it. But I realized that I need to do something to make everything work out the way I need it! And she took matters into her own hands.
I wanted to redecorate the living room, turn it into a playroom and spend time here with the whole family: my husband and I lounged on a chic sofa, relaxing and watching our children have fun. Toys are scattered around the room, but the atmosphere of comfort and warmth is felt...
I thought about it and decided that all this is really possible. It just takes a little effort, remove the obstacles, and I will get the living room of my dreams.
I took a separate notebook and decided to write my desire: “We made repairs in the living room in a short time ...” And then the details, as I imagine the room, described all the details. I had the feeling that I was standing on the threshold of my new living room, leaning my shoulder against the doorway, and looking into the room. I clearly saw the furniture, understood its location, saw new curtains and tulle, turquoise pillows on the sofa (exactly on the one that cost crazy money), a Swedish wall for my daughter. I imagined how much space there was in the room, how it turned from dark into light, cozy. I even smelled the new furniture. It was my clearest visualization because I understood what I wanted.
Having painted all the details in a notebook, I thought about what to do with it next. After all, I know what I want, but in many ways I doubted and thought that it would not work. And I needed it exactly as in my visualization. Everything else I do not accept!
To begin with, I admitted to myself that no matter how much I wished, but fears were present in me. When you realize what you are afraid of, you are already winning. What to do with these fears? How many of them in general - one, five, ten?
I took a separate sheet to write everything out point by point. I didn’t want to do this in a notebook, because my desire is written there, and even in all the details. I didn’t want to mix both good and bad in one place.
She made a heading on the sheet: “Negative attitudes” and began to write out. I literally wrote out three points - the most basic thing that I was most worried about (“I'm afraid that ...”). At first I thought that was all.
But no! I began to think further, delve into myself, trying to be as honest as possible. And then came the fourth point, the fifth, the tenth. As a result, I got 21 points - everything that I was afraid of. I never imagined that there would be so many! You don’t need to hide all doubts deep inside yourself, on the contrary, you need to pull them out.
I looked at this list and was shocked! After all, I thought that I was only worried about a couple of points, but here it is. But once I was able to admit everything to myself, it became easier. And what to do next? Naturally, there was a great desire to get rid of this negative list. But what are the guarantees that these fears will stop bothering me?
I again turned to the notebook with desire. Turning the page, I made the heading “Positive Attitudes” and decided to do the following: I wrapped each of my fears into a positive statement - 21 points.
For example: “I’m afraid that the repair will be delayed and we won’t have time to finish it in August”
I change to:
“We completed the renovation very quickly. The whole living room with furniture and all the little things is completely ready in August.”
Another example: “I'm afraid that the furniture maker will go on vacation when we need to make a wall”
I change to:
“The furniture maker was in town when we needed to make a wall. The furniture was made and installed in the shortest possible time.”
So I went through each item, each fear.
I tore up the leaflet with negative attitudes and threw it away. Now I had only my desire and new positive attitudes in order for it to come true as needed.
And with these records it was necessary to work.
Every morning I read my wish, savored every offer, and imagined my living room. Then I read the positive instructions, reading each point and feeling light inside, as if I had received it all. I understood that all obstacles can be overcome, everything could be solved and done on time. You just need to not let your fears take over.
Having recharged in the morning, I directly felt how productive the day would be today. And gradually it started to come out. Not everything happened at once. But every day things got better, everything worked out, and our living room was transformed before our eyes.
As soon as I felt that I was starting to get nervous and worried about something, I immediately took out my “magic” notebook and carefully read my notes.
At the beginning of the article, I described some of the points that caused me concern. So if you go back to them, everything was decided as follows:
- An old sofa with armchairs was found for someone to attach to (a colleague of her husband took them to his dacha);
- An acquaintance who was supposed to deal with repairs worked for a day and completed ⅔ of his work (he decided to work out all his absenteeism in this way);
- The linoleum that we ordered arrived 1.5 weeks ahead of schedule, so the repair was not idle;
- The sofa we liked was worth big money, and we decided to take it on credit (we found very favorable conditions from one bank, plus the seller also gave us a discount);
- I had no idea what my chandelier should be. When buying wallpaper in a large hypermarket, I looked up at the ceiling, and there was a huge selection of all kinds of chandeliers. But my eyes immediately fell on only one. I pictured her clearly in my living room. And the very next day the purchase was made.
- I doubted whether turquoise curtains and similar pillows on the sofa would fit into the interior. I “googled” the interiors with this color and realized that I was not mistaken.
- I was afraid that I would not find the right turquoise shade. But in the very first salon of curtains, I saw exactly what I imagined.
As a result, out of 21 points of positive attitudes, only two did not work. First - I wanted to pay off the loan ahead of schedule. And I could do it, the required amount (recalculation of some benefits) fell on my card. But I decided to pay in the usual way, and start up the available amount for current expenses.
Second - I wanted a large carpet in the middle of the room. But in the end, she changed her mind, decided that it was not necessary.
Thus, both points simply became irrelevant, and therefore were not fulfilled. But I emphasize that I could embody them.
Everything else was done exactly!
As a result, everything was ready on time. My ideal living room is beautiful, bright, comfortable, spacious ... I stood on the threshold of my new living room, leaning my shoulder against the doorway, and looked into the room ... At that moment I caught myself thinking that this is exactly how I stood and looked , I experienced such emotions in my visualization. At the beginning of the article, I described my visualization, and now it has been completely repeated! Everything came true! I am very grateful for this!
A little less than a year has now passed since then. And in the evenings I see such a picture - my husband and I sit comfortably on the sofa and watch with a smile how our children play. Toys are scattered all over the living room, but from all this mess it breathes comfort and family warmth. Just as I imagined!
My “magic” notebook continues to work - I continue to write down my desires and positive attitudes towards them in it. I do this whenever I feel doubts and fears that the desire may not come true.
So, how to perform the technique:
1. Get a separate notebook, it will be your assistant whenever you need to fulfill a new desire.
2. It is good to work with those desires that are now in the process of being realized, but there are certain difficulties.
3. Formulate a desire in writing to describe in all colors and details what exactly you want. If you see and imagine some small details - describe them. This will be your short story.
4. Connect visualization if possible. If you clearly know what you want and what your final goal, then there will be no problem. Do not forget to feel the final emotions - this is the moment when you realized that everything happened.
5. On a separate sheet, write down your fears and doubts about the fulfillment of your dreams - these are your negative attitudes, these are the same cockroaches in your head. Write everything that worries you about desire. Do not be afraid that many points can turn out - on the contrary, it is good! The more you can get out of yourself, the better. Be honest, don't be afraid to admit your own weaknesses.
6. We return to our notebook with desire and there we begin to get rid of our attitudes. We write the headline “Positive Attitudes” and refute each item of your fears, write the complete opposite in a positive way. The statements must be in the past tense - they have already been fulfilled.
7. We tear up a piece of paper with our fears and take out the scraps of paper in the trash along with the garbage. You can burn this paper. Most importantly, feel how you get rid of all negative attitudes, how your head is cleared.
8. Now, every day, reread your desire, which you described in colors. After that, read all your new positive attitudes. Do this as often as possible so that your head does not get clogged with questionable debris.
9. If new fears arise in the process of fulfilling a desire, we do the same - write them out on a separate sheet, and then add new settings for each item to your list of positive attitudes.
10. When the wish comes true, mark each completed item of your positive attitudes. Write: "Thank you for the performance." Be sincerely grateful that everything worked out!
11. Continue to work in the notebook if a new desire appears, filled with many fears.
Remember that every wish can come true, and exactly as you imagine, if you work on your fears and beliefs. You can do everything, believe in yourself, destroy all doubts!
how to get rid of doubt
Fedotov Alexander Borisovich……………………………………………………………………2
Please read carefully………………………………………………………………………….…..3
Introduction………………………………………………………………………………………….…...3
Chapter I: Mirror effect or everything has two sides…………………….……..4
YES and NO their balance ……………………………………………………………………………..11
How Doubt Flows………………………………………………………………………..…18
Where are you, in a dense forest or on a mountain……………………………………………………………...31
Chapter II: It all starts with emotions …………………………………………………………..….39
Stage #1: Momentary Doubt …………………………………………………………….…..44
Stage 2: Audio, kinesthetic, visual, doubt ………………………….……...53
Stage №3: Calculation of doubt ……………………………………………………………………….…58
Stage 4: Doubt by time……………………………………………………………….…..61
Rules of the game without a doubt……………………………………………………………………………..64
Chapter III: The Theory of Five ……………………………………………………………………….……74
Part One: Source……………………………………………………………………………....74
Part Two: Priority ………………………………………………………………………….…81
Part Three: Morality……………………………………………………………………….….…..86
Part Four: Logic………………………………………………………………………………90
Part Five: Idea………………………………………………………………………………..….94
Chapter IV: Signals………………………………………………………………………………...101
In place of the epilogue …………………………………………………………………………….……...103
Literature ……………………………………………………………………………………….....105
how to get rid of doubt
I met Maxim in 2012. My nephew was studying at that time in Omsk
college of transport construction. He told me that a guy came to them and
He talked about the fact that in life you can achieve everything, the main thing is not to be lazy. believe in success and
everything will work out. This episode intrigued me. I asked my nephew for his number. At that
I have been doing my own business for about a year now and it was interesting for me to meet with
man,
promoted
Some time later we met. I remember the first impression of Maxim. High
height, strong physique, good looks, knows how to present himself. At the first meeting immediately
it became clear that Maxim was well versed in psychology and that he was an interesting conversationalist.
He told me that he was writing a book. Finally she comes out, looking forward to the exit in
circulation. I know Maxim as a versatile person. I think the book will be very useful and
interesting.
Fedotov Alexander Borisovich
General Director of the Company: "Konstanta"
Read carefully
No matter how you read the book
what matters is how you understand it.
A. Schweitzer
For the best memorization of this book and the text. I would like to tell you a little
a secret that I use when I read myself. Everything, as always, is simple, and necessary
no need to complicate things at all. I understand that some will not be difficult to read,
the whole book and even memorize it. Some need a long read where they're after
remember everything, but do not use knowledge in their lives. It just so happened to get
knowledge in our information age is possible by pressing a key on the keyboard and here we have
A world full of negative and positive information has opened up. I bring to your attention
how to get rid of doubt
your passage to these things:
1) It is necessary to quickly look through the entire book, with a quick glance and roughly imagine
what is being said and what information is contained in it.
2) Determine how long it will take you, and how you will use the information and
the knowledge that is in it. It is advisable to allocate time for reading it 1-2 hours a day.
day, if you do not have a specific schedule for working with books.
3) Think about what you know about the book or the information and experiences it contains. By
imagine a picture of what is happening from your experience.
4) Decide what answers you would like to read from this book and take
weapons, further studying them.
5) Read first, all headings, tables of contents, subsections, figures, whatever
may interest you. Sometimes when you need information just by reading it,
doing all of the above. This can give you 80 to 90% of the result that you
fix in your memory for a very long time. You only have to
6) When you are already reading, your brain fixed the right places and after reading it reached
until the end of your head, you will already know exactly how and what I wanted to show you. It's a lot
simplifies the time spent thinking and reading. Do not forget
only after reading the next chapter, wait a little, about a minute, to
the brain has fixed your understanding of where the information will enter your lexicon.
7) The next step will be that you do not need to spend time thinking
information in the chapter, you already know and understand what you need to know.
View all the drawings and just relax.
8) If you are still where, then you didn’t figure it out in the initial stages. Then after reading
chapters, take it and read it again, but only those moments where you didn’t understand anything. And
repeat the steps.
And I ask you to do everything simply and easily, reading a book to feel more confident than anything.
do not contradict, and set goals for yourself at the very beginning. The difference between super
reading and just reading. It is concluded that it is not necessary to know 100%,
be sure to apply and say everything that was in the book in five minutes using your
warning system (lexicon). Knowing the right question and approximate answers, the brain
activity can itself answer all questions, naturally some help in
reflection will be required. And that help is provided in this book.
Introduction
At the beginning, there is information
and then the thought.
The reader is always eager to learn about the position of the author.
C. Rogers
Maxim - at school he did not differ in special skills, an ordinary Russian boy. He
He constantly argued with his friends, but he was always wrong. He often suffered because of this.
and couldn't figure out why. He always chose the wrong choice of two
possible, and they considered Maxim stupid: he still continues to argue with everyone and does not
once, did not win the argument, which speaks of his mediocrity! Everyone laughed at him, of course, except
Maxim himself. One day, a young man, much older than Maxim, who constantly
saw disputes, decided to talk to him and, once, took him to a conversation, explained to him that he