Doesn't want to study. Doesn't want to help around the house. The child is not interested in anything and does nothing! Unfortunately, this situation is familiar to many parents. What are the causes of children's laziness and how to deal with it - we will analyze in today's article.
Causes of children's laziness
1. Parental Misbehavior: Overprotectiveness
There are many reasons for child laziness. However, the most important of them are based on the wrong behavior of parents. Think about how often you seized the initiative: "You're still small, I'll clean everything myself!", "Don't touch it, otherwise you'll ruin it!", "Don't take a cup - you'll break it!". In such situations, parents simply deprive the child of initiative and do not allow him to do any business, assuming that they themselves will cope faster. In this case, the child may completely lose the desire to strive for independence: why, if they still won’t allow it or call it “inept”?
2. Features of temperament
When arguing whether your child is lazy or not, do not forget to dwell on the assessment of his temperament. Maybe he is choleric or sanguine. Then it becomes clear why he is not given work that requires concentration and perseverance. Rather, it will be performed by a concentrated phlegmatic or melancholic. However, children with the named types of temperament will find it difficult to complete tasks where quick reaction and active communication are necessary.
3. Boredom
The cause of laziness is also banal boredom. Children are always very mobile: they need to constantly run, invent something and throw out their energy somewhere. If parents or teachers constantly force them to sit quietly and not interfere, then cheerful and inquisitive children turn into sad and lack of initiative.
Sometimes there are situations when a child cannot throw out his energy at school and, when he comes home, he wants to run and play enough, and his parents instead force him to do boring things - for example, to clean his room.
4. Misunderstanding: why do it?
Sometimes children simply do not understand why it is necessary to perform this or that action. Why collect toys if tomorrow you have to get them again? Why make your bed in the morning if you have to sleep in it again in the evening? This happens when parents simply require the child to follow the order, but do not explain why this is important.
5. Disinterest
Often the child does not want to take on this or that matter, since it is simply not interesting to him. Parents need to be motivated, to arouse a desire to take up any activity, to outline its goal. Then the children will strive to achieve the final result, and he, in turn, will bring them pleasure.
6. Fear of failure
Perhaps the child does not take on some business, as he simply experiences a fear of failure. For example, he does not want to learn a poem, because the last time he read it unsuccessfully in class and was "rewarded" with ridicule from classmates. There is already a problem in self-doubt, probably even in low self-esteem.
How to deal with children's laziness
If your child is lazy, you should think about how to fix the situation.
Do not forget that children absorb everything that parents do and say, therefore, first of all. If instead of cooking dinner you order pizza at home, leave dirty dishes in the sink for the night, replace an evening walk with "sitting" at the computer or watching TV, and instead of morning exercises, luxuriate in bed for an extra twenty minutes - the child simply takes an example from you! You need change their own behavior so that the child looked up to you.
Encourage your child's independence and remember that overprotection only harms him. Nothing bad will happen if the child does not sweep the floor as cleanly as you would, or if he breaks one cup from the set while placing them in the sideboard. This is not a disaster or a tragedy!
Do not punish with forced labor (“For disobedience, today you will wash the dishes!”, “If you haven’t done your homework, go clean the room!”). Such penalties will cause disgust for any work and an absolute unwillingness to work. And the unwillingness to work, in turn, will give rise to laziness.
Give your child small errands more often. , just do it not in an orderly tone, but in the form of a request. So the child will feel that you trust him - this will increase his self-esteem. Do not swear if something does not work out for him the first time, it is better to explain in a calm and friendly tone how you can fix everything.
Make a household schedule for all family members and teach your child to stick to it, assign him a few feasible activities. But don't forget to follow the schedule yourself! Otherwise, watching you, the child will one day declare that he does not want to clean his things today and will do it tomorrow because he is tired.
Keep track of your child's routine. Remember that in addition to homework and doing chores around the house, he must walk, play and have a good rest (however, pay attention that the child does not abuse such "lazy" leisure activities as watching TV and spending time at the computer). If the child’s sleep, rest and work regimen is constantly changing, then his biorhythms also go astray, and this provokes health problems and the appearance of a bad mood.
Always encourage your child to help you. Remember that laziness develops precisely when you forbid him to do something. Do household chores with your child and remember to always praise him for his help.
I don't want to live. constant loneliness. health problems. quarrels in the family every day. I am not allowed to do anything and speak my own way.
everyone has friends, acquaintances, support, if necessary - but I have no one. except for a dog. but he can’t tell me anything, but only looks at me from the side when I start another tantrum. I beat myself and cry. I beat myself again for these tears and my weakness. again and again. then I calm down, but I am terribly disgusted by the state in which I was a couple of minutes ago and by myself. and I start crying again, choking, choking with tears.
no more strength.
Even with antidepressants, I'm not a bit better.
how to stop? how to start enjoying at least what is?
Support the site:
Sofia, age: 05/18/23/2016
Responses:
Hello. Sophia, make plans for the future. You can already begin to separate from parental care, work, live separately. But for this you need to be responsible, calmly reason, control emotions. Talk more, tears and screams won't solve anything. Drink soothing teas with herbs, honey. I wish you health and strength!
Irina, age: 28 / 23.05.2016
Hello Sophia!
At the end of the letter, you wrote the correct thought “start to enjoy at least what you have” - but how - try to immediately remember the plus for every minus - yes - at first it will not be easy, you will forget, and then you will get used to it.
Now it is spring and you can find reasons for joy much easier - just go for a walk in the nearest park and admire the flowers, listen to the birds singing.
And turn to God - He is always there and will help you - just ask! When it’s especially bad, pray more often with a simple short prayer to the Mother of God (you can also silently): “To the Mother of God
Virgin, rejoice, blessed Mary, the Lord is with you; Blessed are you in women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, as if the Savior gave birth to our souls."
Good luck to you and Guardian Angel!
Mikhail, age: 46 / 05/23/2016
Sonechka, these tears and tantrums are not from weakness, but from nervous tension. Why beat yourself at the same time in order to create another circle of tension? Even if you can’t speak, you can think “in your own way.” Get yourself a secret diary and write whatever you want. And dogs also experience and react to all the intonations of their master.
Tatyana, age: 42 / 05/24/2016
Sonechka, firstly, you don’t have to beat yourself in any case. You need to try to do something nice for yourself). Do not scare your beloved dog, but at the same time yourself. I’m sure that even if you have this moment everything is complicated (bad relationship with parents, difficult age, nerves at the limit), you still have something to rejoice at. Yes, at first it will not be easy to stop seeing the world in gray and black colors, but you try. If you need to speak out, that is free phone trust for teenagers. In general, you need to grow up slowly, and then scandals between parents will no longer hurt your psyche so much, and you will have more friends.
Polina, age: 05/31/25/2016
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“If you do for a long time what you don’t want, then you won’t want to do what you want”
Loss of contact with your desires is a dangerous symptom. This is the threshold of depression, loss of meaning in life and suicidal thoughts. In a healthy case, we do not want anything when we have just granted our desire, reached the goal and enjoy the aftertaste. The result of this is joy. The joy of natural pauses between events. But when there is no joy, no desire, no enthusiasm to live, then something needs to be done about it. If nothing is done about it, health will begin to actively deteriorate.
How to find contact with yourself
- 5 Points that set you up for productive work with yourself
- 5 steps to reconnect with desires
Energy is given to a person according to desires and goals. And if so, then the de-energization when contact with oneself is lost is a natural process leading to the inhibition of metabolic processes and the disorder of bodily health.
The collapse of health can be seen as the body's last attempt at giving you meaning. To be treated in order to restore the health of the body, the owner of which does not know why to live, is a thankless and therefore inefficient occupation. We have cases of “miraculous healing” from the most terrible diseases, and if we look at the basis of this “miracle”, then we will always find there a newly acquired meaning in the healed person, for the sake of which he chose to live and be healthy.
The meaning of “treatment” is basically not an interest in the phenomena of life, but the fear of death, and this, you see, is not the most pleasant feeling.
So how to revive the joy of desire?
Let's first look at what loss of contact with desires looks like.
If you at least partially agree with this picture described below, then you should read this article to the end.
Here you see, your friends travel, rejoice. You go to any network, people brag about their achievements, purchases, gifts, creativity, children, put up all sorts of colorful photos about the big and small joys of life. If you look at this and catch yourself that despite the joy for them, or irritation or envy (which are two sides of the same coin), you are sad ... You sigh, realizing that you don't want any of this. You look at couples smiling cheerfully at you from a photograph, you look at their “kisses”, family celebrations, friendly gatherings and catch yourself that you don’t want any of this. What then?
Something needs to be done about this, and most importantly, something can be done about it, because this tendency leads not only to reduced activity, but is also the most common reason for gaining excess weight. And experiencing yourself not in the best shape leads to a loss of enthusiasm, and this, in turn, is the most common reason for the lack of personal relationships.
Man is a unique being, the only living being that can die long before death. And even having lost all the clues and threads that connect him with living life and, in fact, having died in his soul, he continues to exist while his biological clock is ticking and the time of the body has not yet expired.
Returning contact with desires is actually easier than it seems. For an effective process of reconnecting with your desires, you need to familiarize yourself with the following five points, which precede the very technique of returning to yourself. It is the understanding of these five points that is the key to the productive application of the very technique of restoring creative inspiration, enthusiasm, desires and joy of life!
5 Points that set you up for productive work with yourself:
1. Recognize that there is a problem.
2. Accept that in order to solve it, you will need to focus on what he usually does not devote time to, considering it not important.
3. Be willing to regularly shift your focus from peripheral affairs to your loved one until it becomes a habit.
4. It is important for a person to realize that the matter of paramount importance is himself. He has himself.
5. Agree that when he is in good shape mentally and mentally, all the processes of his life and all his relatives win.
There is a proven technology to bring passion back to life.
Observation of leaders, successful monarchs, as well as restless figures, shows that they treat themselves differently in everyday life.
The study of how people with initiative and open lives were raised and brought up, and what made them so resourceful, allowed me to develop a technology that was tested in psychological practice and led to remarkable results.
5 steps to revive contact with desires:
1. Put aside great meanings, big goals and all sorts of “shoulds”, as completely as possible. Focus on your smallest whims. For example: Are you sitting comfortably while reading this article? And if you think about it, feel into your body? Do you want to straighten or bend your leg, or do you want to stand up and make yourself a cup of coffee? Go outside for fresh air or go to the bathroom? It's fine if you take a break now and can do whatever you want, but it seems unimportant to be distracted.
Why are we doing this? Answer: we rehabilitate contact with ourselves, return ourselves to the here and now. To return to yourself, it is enough to ask yourself, “what do I want right now?”. Sometimes these desires are even smaller, such as: straightening hair, scratching or transferring body weight to another half-ass. Our goal at this point is to start pampering ourselves like a little beloved child. Every 10 minutes ask yourself “what do I want now”. And find something that you can do right now.
2. Start giving yourself small gifts that are nice to touch and delight. And most importantly, they should be almost completely meaningless. There should not be many such items presented to yourself, it can be one item, for example, a plush, rubber or natural stone keychain; maybe a fun ballpoint pen.
Assign this item as an ally in getting back your contact with yourself and carry it around, hold it in your hands when you are sad. It tactilely returns your presence to the body, and the body lives in the present moment for its true needs. A thing is an ally, just like a rosary or an amulet, unlike useful things-servants, does not have a mandatory meaning, and this is important! Real friends, after all, are also not used, but the joy that communication with them gives us costs a lot and is sometimes priceless.
3. Start fixing your eyes on beauty as you understand it. Let yourself get stuck, contemplating the beauty. Find it in nature or art. Pay attention to details - bulges, dents, overflows, lines, color combinations. Breathe it in and catch joy in your heart. You feel how a smile begins to light up your face - remember yourself like that. Remember yourself bodily in this emotion.
4. Allow yourself to touch surfaces that have caught your attention. Allow yourself to feel with your fingertips how something that looks funny is done. Do this whenever possible in public places, if it does not harm anyone and feel the happiness of allowing, returning to yourself the state of a child - impulsive, inquisitive, and most importantly successful "I want - I do - I get - I rejoice."
Live the experience of being able to afford more than you think you can. Kings were not brought up like mere mortals. At a tender age, the offspring of the monarch was allowed everything. And in such a field the child grows up confident, clear and curious. It is such a person who feels not only his desires, but also global trends. Contact with our whims, nurtures vitality in us, makes us more enterprising, powerful, alive and happy.
5. Touch people with words. Of course, this is not about criticism, it's about compliments and just saying thoughts out loud. Just as with the objects of the surrounding world, here you will need to pay attention to clothing, appearance, qualities and behavior of a person.
If you notice something that your eyes linger on, compliment the person directly as a child: "You have such a beautiful clasp, such an unusual eye color ...". Even if you don't know each other at all (if strangers are difficult, start with friends). When meeting friends, remember that you have a task: to compliment people, tell your observations about them and pay attention to details, to personality traits (kindness, humor, unexpectedness of judgments) and return to a person or friend what you think, feel about it .
It is important (!) to understand that when reading the points written above, even if it seems to you that you are already doing some of these points from time to time, even if you catch yourself thinking “I already know all this”, start following these recommendations.
It will be great if you get yourself a notebook and write down your fresh thoughts, describe unusual situations, or sudden insights.
It will be great if you set yourself an alarm clock so that it calls you several times several times (4-10) a day and wakes you up, returning your attention to yourself.
If you declare yourself a "hunt for yourself": If you perform the above practices and record your trophies in a notebook, you will not only be reborn, finding yourself in the most amazing state that all spiritual adepts are looking for "presence in the here and now", but you will additionally "kill two birds with one stone" - you will return your desires and become very much for others interesting people. And what follows after that, I think you can guess. Have a good hunting!
Natalia Valitskaya
P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness - together we change the world! © econet
A modern person is faced with an unpleasant situation: a dozen unfinished business has accumulated, life “throws up” new ones, but there is absolutely no desire to get down to work, move mountains.
How to be? How to overcome this original procrastination?
Before looking for an answer to the question: “What to do if you don’t want anything”, you need to deal with the reasons. There are many reasons, and not always the unwillingness to move (physically, mentally) is due to laziness.
I don’t want anything ... I don’t want to go - there is too much traffic: I don’t want to go on foot - you get tired; lie down? - you have to lie around in vain or get up again, but you don’t want either one or the other ... In a word, you don’t want anything.
Søren Obyu Kierkegaard
Reasons for doing nothing
“Yes, non-action is charming,” the ironic bard Timur Shaov sings, “but you also need to eat something!” Actually, the satisfaction of elementary needs is the main engine of progress. Only Ivanushka the Fool, who lay sideways on the stove, and grandfather, who accidentally caught a goldfish from the sea-ocean, were suddenly lucky: fate favored, fulfilling wishes.We, however, will have to work hard to achieve a real result ...
What are the main reasons for the lack of desire to move forward?
Here is a partial list of these reasons:- fatigue;
- self-doubt;
- low self-esteem;
- unrecognized state of chronic stress;
- lack of true motivation, substitution of goals;
- starting .
An insecure person does not want to do anything because ... he is afraid. "It won't work," the man thinks. By his actions, he will make others laugh, ready to make fun of his efforts. It's easier not to get to work with your head in the sand! There will be no reason to laugh. The same can be attributed to low self-esteem. A person has many desires, but he is sure that nothing will work out.
The reasons lie, as the "sufferer" believes, in:
- lack of creativity;
- lack of strength, time;
- inability to complete things;
- lack of willpower.
With the substitution of goals - a little more difficult. A person can say: "I dream of becoming a commercial director." In fact, he is comfortable working as a manager, selling goods. No forward movement: none intrinsic motivation. To avert their eyes, they will talk about the “unattainable dream” to those around them. It will turn out to be unattainable for him, because he is not going to put effort into achieving it, subconsciously feeling that having achieved the goal, he will not receive satisfaction.
The most difficult case is depression. A person does not want anything at all. "Kicks" of friends, persuasion of relatives, attempts to overcome "laziness" yourself will not help if things have gone far enough.
Be extremely attentive to yourself and loved ones if you notice something was wrong! A person can get out on his own only in mild cases. The neglected form requires medical intervention.
Banal laziness
Suppose you, after analyzing the situation, came to the conclusion: there is no fatigue, no depression, self-esteem is adequate.The next step: you need to figure out how sincerely you want to achieve the goal. Go stubbornly into ballroom dancing because that's the trend, but secretly dream of becoming a great drummer?
Of course, you will be lazy in class, skip them, and remember the simplest steps poorly. Quit dancing, take a trial drum lesson! Laziness self-destructs: it will overcome the passionate desire to acquire knowledge.
In the fight against ordinary laziness (when the goals are clear, the tasks are set), a clear daily routine helps.
For example, like this:
The order is approximate. It can change in any way.
The unchanged items should be:
- sports;
- breaks for meals;
- Summing up the results of the day (which tasks were solved, which were not, and why);
- preliminary setting of tasks for the next day.
Forcing yourself to do nothing of what you want, you should do everything that you do not want.
Arthur Schopenhauer
Apathy for everything
When apathy piles up to everything, nothing gives a response in the soul - an alarm bell. What if you don't want anything - nothing at all?First steps: Stop acting. Stop. Take a break. Ask for time off from work, give the kids to grandma for half a day, postpone meetings.
Necessary steps:
- Get a good night's sleep.
- Lie down in the morning until your body decides it's time to get up.
- Brew your favorite tea (coffee, cocoa).
- Turn off your phone.
- Sit in a quiet place, think about your life.
You need to renounce the outside world, the bustle, in order to find answers to these questions. Apathy will go away when you drop the husk and can discern the real you with your true desires and aspirations.
Attention!
Sometimes complete apathy can be a signal of an incipient illness. If the depression doesn't go away, get tested.
The reason may lie in hormonal disorders or other malfunctions in the body.
And here are special cases of apathy that require careful study.
Don't want to work
Lost the desire to go to work?There are a lot of options for the causes of discomfort in this case:
- low salary;
- lack of career prospects;
- too high a level of responsibility;
- bullying in the team.
Try:
- talk to management about a salary increase;
- build relationships with colleagues;
- look for motivating factors in the process of work.
We spend most of our lives at work. Why deliberately turn this part into a miserable existence with impatient anticipation of Friday night? Life is one, there will be no other!
I don't want to walk
Most likely, the reluctance to get out on the street is due to fatigue. A paradoxical fact: a leisurely walk, and even in a pleasant company, will help overcome fatigue. Call a friend, ask for you to come in: there will be no other way out, as soon as we go together to breathe fresh air.Or put on old jeans that you don’t mind throwing away and take your child to the stadium, where there are street simulators. Compete who will pull up on the bar more times or who will swing higher on the swing. The winner gets a small prize: ice cream!
Don't want to eat
Lack of appetite can be explained by the onset of depression, chronic stress, illness. Sometimes we lose our appetite when falling in love (especially unrequited love).Tell yourself that there are advantages to this too:
- you will lose weight;
- no need to stand at the stove for half a day.
If your health is normal, then you may not have enough physical activity. Make it a rule to run in the morning, walk a lot, at a fast pace.
Lure your body with delicious food. Cook only your favorite dishes and little by little. Set the table beautifully with colorful plates. Add a glass of red wine to dinner.
Away, doing nothing!
As we can see, there can be many reasons for unwillingness to move forward, they are different. There is no universal approach, for each specific situation it is necessary to select a separate key.Now you know what to do if you don’t feel like anything: the first step should be a rigorous analysis of the current situation. Look into your own soul and talk to yourself. In the endless running around, we began to forget ourselves. This does not go in vain: the body responds with bouts of laziness.
Be careful, take care of yourself, remember: life is one. Therefore, it is necessary to make it truly “tasty”, bright and interesting!
And the only thing you do with pleasure is sit in front of the TV all day long in an embrace with some high-calorie "yummy". Extra folds appear on the stomach, but you will not find extra clean socks in the house.
If you don’t pull yourself together in time, it will be oh so difficult to get out of this state without outside help.
What do we have to do? Identify the symptoms of the disease in time and try to prevent the spread of infection throughout the body.
While browsing the news, I came across an article from Lifehacker.com about what to do when you feel like doing nothing. That is, when the motivation is gone, and even in order to, you need a kick. I can’t say that I am in such a situation, but sad thoughts began to visit me more and more often. And it doesn't have to be about work. This can apply to home life, and sports, and once a favorite hobby.
And if you can survive the cooled feelings for your favorite hobby and this will not have any particularly unpleasant consequences, then things are much more serious with work and personal life. This is where action really needs to be taken.
So, there can be several reasons for the loss of motivation. And decisions, respectively, too.
Social exclusion
An experiment was conducted at one of the universities: students were asked to write on pieces of paper the names of those people from the group with whom they would like to work. And then, ignoring what was written, one part was told that they were chosen, and the second - that no one wants to deal with them.
As a result, the "outcasts" stopped monitoring their behavior and.
If you restrain yourself and behave according to the rules, then you should receive some kind of reward for this. Social, of course. And if you adapt to others, but they still do not want to do business with you, then why then take care of yourself and change your behavior?
The conclusion is clear and logical. In addition, the hands of the students, whom no one allegedly chose, were more likely than others to reach for a jar of sweets. In this way they tried to eat a bitter pill.
Other studies have shown:
When you feel like the world is rejecting you, you can't solve puzzles, you become difficult to work with, and your motivation level drops to zero.
All you can do is engage in self-destruction: drink, smoke or binge on sweets. You lose control of yourself and literally lose yourself.
Ignoring physical needs
According to another study, a feeling of lack of motivation may arise due to. Usually, people who are deeply immersed in work rarely eat right. Fast food lunches or snacks on dry sandwiches and office cookies, a hearty late dinner, and breakfast is skipped by default.
The scientists carried out their experiments in court for 10 months. As a result, before lunch, the judges gave suspended sentences to only 20% of the accused, while at the hearings immediately after lunch break the percentage of lucky people increased to 60%. Before lunch, the judges' blood sugar levels were low, which had an impact on their thought processes and emotional state.
That is, the problem in this case is not in mental suffering, but in a banal lack of sugar in the blood. They get better from the muffin. Are you upset by mustard? ;)
The weight of decision-making responsibility
Motivation problems can also arise from the burden of decision-making responsibility. Moreover, these can be both vital decisions and the most banal “what to buy for dinner”.
Sometimes these small everyday decisions accumulate a lot, and as a result, you lose your nerves and you start making irrational decisions.
For example, you start buying things without special need.
This condition is different from physical fatigue. You may experience a lack of mental energy, while everything is in order with your physical condition. And the more decisions (important or simple) you have to make during the day, the more tired you will feel.
How to deal with it?
If you feel that you are being ignored and do not want to do business with you, the best way out is to talk to this person (group of people) and find out what exactly is stopping you. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding, which is resolved in a matter of seconds. Sometimes the problem is much deeper and needs to be worked on. And sometimes you just come across people with whom you are incompatible, and nothing can be done about it.
The only way out is change environment. Either way, we need to talk. If you don't ask a question, you will never know the answer. It is better to know that you are really not liked than to be in the dark and constantly guessing.
In the second case, the exit is banal - just start take care of yourself and eat well. Once you stop skipping breakfast, your mood will improve.
And in the third option, you need to try at least once draw up your "schedule for making decisions for the day" and leave at least two windows for relaxation in it. When you know what and when you will need to decide, it becomes less burdensome.
In any case, you need to look for a way out of the situation. And of course, everyone has their own.
If it’s hard for me to determine if I want to do something or if I’m satisfied with the work in the form in which it is now, I try to clear my head, at least on weekends. Sometimes this is quite enough for a surge of energy and optimism.
Sometimes it happens that just starting to tell someone about your work, you suddenly realize that it's really interesting and you really like it. I don’t know if reverse causality works here, but it’s impossible to talk with fire in your eyes about what is boring. So you're just tired and all you need is just to rest for a while.
And finally, the last one. All people are selfish by nature and, accordingly, I do not know a single person who would not be flattered by praise. Of course, praising yourself is not so great. But if I hear sincere praise addressed to me from a stranger, I understand that I am doing what I like, and at the same time helping others. Therefore, if you see that a person is trying and he succeeds, do not skimp on praise. Maybe you are just saving someone from losing motivation.