What to do when life presents surprises with a minus sign and dooms a person to constant care for a sick relative? It is no secret that staying with an incapacitated person around the clock puts excessive pressure on the psyche of someone who has taken on the sacrificial and holy duty to help his neighbor. Are there ways to relieve yourself and all relatives involved in the process of caring for a seriously ill person from stress? This will be discussed in our next publication.
Sometimes people don't realize the severity of the consequences.
First of all, you need to correctly calculate your own strengths, both physical and emotional. After all, unfortunately, they are far from limitless. When misfortune occurs in the family, and one of the elderly relatives suddenly falls ill, at first it seems to the able-bodied member of the clan that he can endure everything. A person is perfectly aware that old age will someday become a reality for himself. He is trying to do what he would like his children to do with him in case of emergency. Therefore, it is no secret that people can sacrifice their promising careers, personal happiness, health, and well-arranged living conditions for a good cause. However, having never encountered such a situation before, it is quite difficult to imagine the real consequences. That is why it is so important to have special knowledge, skills and relevant qualifications.
Seek help from a professional nurse
The most common option for getting rid of stress in caring for a seriously ill family member is to involve a professionally trained person as an assistant. It is easier for a patronage worker, as a person from the outside, to more adequately assess the situation, make a decision without being guided only by emotions, and medical skills will help out at the most crucial moment.
For some reason, in our society it is generally accepted that if someone resorts to the services of professionals in such a sensitive and controversial issue, it means that he relieves himself of the burden of responsibility for his relatives or simply shows his disrespect to them. However, this is misleading. It is not necessary to take a nurse around the clock, it is enough to limit yourself to time for your own respite.
Shift schedule is a good idea
If you establish a kind of shift schedule for looking after and caring for a disabled family member, you can devote your free time to restoring your own moral and physical strength, or simply get distracted by changing your field of activity for a while. It is also advisable to arrange with someone from other family members so that from time to time they replace the person who has taken on the main role of caring for the elderly or sick. The unity of the family, the pursuit of the interests of each of its members, is tested in such difficult moments. 
Do not refuse help that strangers offer
Feelings and emotions that overwhelm relatives during a severe tragedy are almost always negatively emotionally colored. Pride, neglect of help offered, for example, by a zealous neighbor, can play a cruel joke. This situation is not from the category of those that are commonly referred to as “they themselves are not bastards”, so any outside help can be an excellent help for the patient’s recovery, or to alleviate the general situation. Embarrassment for the condition of the patient in front of his old acquaintances should not take place in the mind of a person who undertook to carry out basic care. In some cases, at the time of deterioration of the general condition of the patient, specialized institutions can also come to the rescue.
Learn how to properly relax
It is extremely important for a person who bears the main burden in caring for a seriously ill or elderly family member not to go completely into himself during moments of rest, not to plunge into even darker thoughts and experiences. It is better to be in public more, with your former friends, and also to do the usual things. Walking and pleasant communication will not let you lose your taste for your own life, no matter how hard it is during a given period of time. And in this case, any, even the most short-term switching and distraction will benefit.
How to deal with negative emotions?
Seeing how a once cheerful and literally full of health loved one is slowly but surely fading away - an occupation is not for the faint of heart. Even if the human psyche is hardened enough, it will still be subject to the negative influence of emotions, this is an inevitable moment. How to deal with the accumulated negativity? In any case, anger at fate, resentment, fear of the future and other negative emotions and feelings cannot be kept in oneself. The negative will accumulate in the cup of patience until it overflows the vessel and pours out on the head of a sick person in need of help. This state of affairs cannot be allowed under any circumstances. You can find a way out of the situation in talking about your problems with one of the strangers. 
In order to gradually get rid of the accumulated negativity, you need to find like-minded people, people who have coped with a similar situation at different times, and ask them for advice. The invaluable experience of people who have gone through this is usually found in some kind of online community, as well as in various self-help groups. It must be remembered that all mentally depressing moments must be disposed of in a timely manner.
Psychological breakdowns will only exacerbate the situation.
All the moments that we have described in this publication, whether it is help in caring for a seriously ill person from the outside or communication in a group of like-minded people, will help in the future to avoid a psychological breakdown that will fall, first of all, on an incapacitated relative. At such moments, sick people who are not completely devoid of reason feel like a burden and want to say goodbye to life as soon as possible in order to stop burdening their relatives.
A person who has assumed the difficult responsible mission of caring for a disabled relative must remember that in no case should you show your impotence and tears. Also empty are the accusations of what happened to fate or, moreover, to the victim. Only cooperating with people who have similar experience seems to be a reasonable solution to the problem.
What can save a seriously ill
In addition to competent professional care, a good psychological atmosphere around, a family member who has lost his legal capacity can be saved by the care, attention and love of the household. It must be remembered that absolute love, coupled with boundless faith and devotion, can work real miracles.
If a relative is seriously ill in the family and there is a need to take care of him, where to get the strength for this, how to cope with irritation, despair and support the patient? We bring to your attention an interview with family psychologist Lidia Dmitrievna Neikurs.
How to overcome the irritation that occurs in loved ones when they require undivided attention? Indeed, in addition to caring for the sick, it is necessary to perform other duties at home and work.
The fact is that when a seriously ill person is irritated or has excessive demands, and he can raise his voice, then the other person who constantly takes care of him begins to get irritated. This spark that arises between them creates a tense atmosphere in the house. One must learn to control oneself and expect in advance that such a state of excitement can take place.
- What can you advise relatives?
First, don't build up anger. Before responding to anger, think for a moment about what is the cause of that anger. This may be because he is simply afraid of something: fear of what awaits him, fear of death, fear of leaving children or someone close. There are many reasons for fear. When a person experiences such fears, he begins to demand attention. Therefore, it is important to find out the reason, and then react accordingly. For example, if a person is afraid of death, then you need to talk with him on this topic, calm him down.
When communicating with the patient, physical contact is important. You can take the patient by the hand, pat on the shoulder, etc. - this will calm him down. Words such as "don't be afraid," "don't worry," "calm down" are very important.
Another effective tool that helps the patient to gather and calm down internally is prayer. What you do on your own is important and brings benefit and comfort to the patient, but not for long. Ask for God's help.
What to do if a person is terminally ill? Can we say that “everything will be fine”, “don’t be afraid”, “don’t worry”, “you will definitely get better”?
This is wrong. The phrase “you will definitely get better” should not be spoken. If we know that a person is mortally ill, then, having promised him recovery, we are telling a lie.
- Well, how to give him hope in this case?
The Lord teaches us to always act honestly. A terminally ill person needs to be told not that there is nothing terrible in death, but to tell what awaits him in the future. The Bible says: “Blessed are those who die in the Lord” (Revelation 14:13). Bliss is the highest degree of happiness. But what is the bliss when a person dies? In my life I buried three people dear to me: dad, mom and husband. Therefore, I know from my own experience that when you talk to a person about what awaits him in the future, he acquires inner peace. Yes, he dies, but in the Bible death is called sleep. Therefore, it would be more correct to say that he falls asleep, ceases to exist on this sinful earth, in order to later resurrect for eternal life with God, where there will be no more suffering or pain. When the patient understands what awaits him in the future, he begins to think, and not demand constant attention to himself, the fear disappears. The state of calm for him is the most important thing. We can give him this reassurance only with a correct presentation of the facts. But if the patient also has severe pain, the question arises, should painkillers be given? When a person is mortally ill and has severe pain, you need to give narcotic substances that the doctor will prescribe. But with the right behavior, something incredible happens. A person's pain goes away without drugs. I have witnessed this. It is necessary to console a person with the fact that the Lord has taken everything into His hands. It can provide healing and relief. We need to pray with the sick.
You told how to communicate with a person who has everything in order with his mind. And what about those patients who are in an insane state? How to deal with them?
This is a very serious moment. An insane person can do anything. If he is insane, then he can cause irreparable harm to himself. Therefore, he needs specialized care: either you can hire a specialist to care for such a patient who will be with him constantly, or you can hospitalize him in a specialized institution if you cannot hire a specialist.
There are also situations in which the patient does not harm himself, but is in such a psychological state that he reacts inadequately to the person who cares for him. For example, he is very touchy or prone to scandals ... Psychologically, the situation is very much aggravated. How to behave here?
This happens frequently. It is difficult for us to understand a person who is in a state close to death. He is sane, but just in a very tense internal state. His reactions should neither surprise nor outrage us. Imagine yourself in this person's place. What would you do, what would you think. I recommend putting an emotional barrier between yourself and him. Try to readjust when something annoys you about it. Write down on paper situations in which he gets irritated, and all the possible reasons why he does it. This is what the barrier is. You limit your response. Always speak in a friendly and calm tone. Don't let yourself be provoked. Protect your inner world from irritation. This must be learned to do always, not only with the sick.
Unfortunately, after life there is always death. Now science is unable to prevent old age and its inevitable lethal consequences. Relatives and friends of seriously ill patients need to be prepared for this. What does a bedridden patient experience before death? How should caregivers respond to signs of approaching death? We will talk about this below.
Phases of death
There are several phases of a person's condition that occur before his death. Signs of the first stage ("pre-active phase") can begin 2 weeks before the terrible event. During this period, the patient begins to consume less food and liquid than usual, there are pauses in breathing, wound healing worsens, and swelling appears. Also, the patient can claim an imminent death and report that he saw dead people.
Then the following phases follow:
- clinical death (signs of vital activity disappear, but metabolic processes still occur in the cells);
- biological death (almost complete cessation of physiological processes in the body);
- final death (final phase).
Signs of approaching death
Signs of death in a bedridden patient may be different in each case. There are several main ones:
Certain diseases cause specific symptoms. Thus, the signs of death in a cancer patient are often manifested in the form of pain, nausea, confusion, restlessness and shortness of breath (with a stroke, such symptoms are less common).
It should also be noted that low blood pressure or prolonged cessation of breathing (or if the patient is constantly asleep) are not reliable indicators of imminent death in all cases. Some patients with these symptoms may recover suddenly and live for a week, a month, or even more. Only God knows when death will come.
How to behave properly with loved ones
What should relatives and friends do if they see signs of approaching death? It is always very difficult to talk to a dying person. There is no need to give false promises and hopes for recovery. Tell the patient that his last wishes will be granted. He should not think that something is being hidden from him. If a person wants to talk about life and its last moments, you need to do it, and not try to hush up the topic and say something distant. Before death, let the patient know that he is not alone, say words of consolation.
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Hello dear readers of the portal site. If suddenly someone close to you suddenly becomes seriously (sometimes hopelessly) ill, then it can be very difficult to cope with those feelings and thoughts that are currently surfacing. There is a feeling of fear for the one who is sick, for him. And also, a feeling of confusion how to behave in this situation, how to help and whether it will be possible to help.
There are a lot of questions to which it becomes very difficult to find answers. Many of those close to you begin to feel guilty about seriously ill. They understand that they must suppress their own negativity that arises in the process of leaving, but sometimes this becomes difficult to do. Indeed, often the patients themselves, whose whole life changes dramatically, become irritable, overly demanding, aggressive, sometimes very malicious, which certainly affects their loved ones.
Often, due to chronic dissatisfaction with their personal needs, life in emotional stress and constant anxiety for a sick relative, life in stress can do its tricky business and relatives who could not cope with the psychological difficulties that have arisen will begin to fence themselves off from communicating with a seriously ill person. This is a normal situation, almost everyone goes through it.
Here are some tips from psychologists that can help you too. seriously ill and his relatives.
Today, the care of a bedridden patient has been simplified thanks to special devices. But neither a special bed nor modern sanitary facilities can change the fact that a person is bedridden around the clock. In order to competently solve the problems that arise because of this, households have to call for help not only patience, but also ingenuity.
The main thing is skin care
Even with the best care, the skin of a bedridden patient still begins to deteriorate due to the development of a number of dermatological diseases, since it simply lacks fresh air, physical activity, and a change of scenery. In addition, it is on the upper layer of the epithelium that, first of all, external signs appear that there is a disorder in the body. Skin needs special daily care, only water and soap are not enough here. Be sure to use an alcohol-free body lotion - for a softening and soothing effect, washing foam - it provides nutrition and gently cares for irritated skin, and also stops unpleasant odors. For the most sensitive and painful skin, wet cleansing wipes soaked in cosmetic oil are suitable.
By the way, cosmetic oil of jojoba, sandalwood, sesame is a great way to keep the skin of a bedridden patient in good condition. To do this, you need to lubricate problem areas twice a day.
No place to get an appetite
The problem with nutrition is very acute - for a person who has to lie down all the time, there is nowhere to take an appetite. At the same time, he needs to eat a varied and nutritious diet, without which the process of recovery is impossible. So how then to feed the bedridden patient?
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Don't give him the same thing every day. Find your favorite foods and indulge in them more often. Feed the patient at the same time, but not at night. Often there is no appetite due to dehydration (dehydration) - let the patient drink more, and not only water, but also fruit drinks, compotes, juices. Your patient needs to take a mineral-vitamin complex. Appetite is increased by natural spices, use them more often when cooking, but do not overdo it.
No time to be bored
There is practically nothing to occupy a bedridden patient, if he is conscious and feels relatively well (for example, lies with a broken leg). But it only seems. In fact, there are plenty of things to do. So, let's try to diversify the leisure of a bedridden patient.
First, his studies should be aimed at a positive result. It can be the manufacture of something, the binding of books, for example, the cleaning of parts with sandpaper, design. Or feasible care for a living being - feeding a bird, combing a cat. Knitting, embroidery, even sewing on a hand sewing machine will do if you can sit down.
Secondly, it is necessary to use not only the hands, but also the head. Mechanical thoughtless occupation will not bring any benefit, except for fatigue and a feeling of emptiness. Think up and discuss with the patient such activities that will require him to study additional information or use intellectual skills - for example, knowledge of a foreign language.
Thirdly, introduce an element of novelty into the classes. It is best if the patient learns something in the process. At least how to fold origami correctly.
Fourth, make the sick person become necessary. Entrust him with tasks that, apart from him, no one can, does not want or does not have time to do. Satisfaction from a sense of inclusion in society and one's own value in it will overpower any routine. And it could even be peeling potatoes or checking a child's homework. Ideally, you should find a niche that only a recumbent will occupy - so it will become not only useful, but also irreplaceable.
Be sure to include an element of creativity in your classes. When a person creates, he has additional vitality and energy. Let him draw, sculpt, compose stories, come up with culinary recipes - anything, but himself!
And most importantly, let the recumbent into society. Now it is not so difficult to provide the patient with permanent access to the Internet. It is not necessary to buy a large computer or laptop, a small inexpensive tablet is enough - and a person will be able to go out into the world around the clock and even find a company of people close in spirit or position there.
To avoid breathing problems
Bedridden patients often experience problems with pulmonary edema. Then there is a lack of oxygen, coughing, attacks of hyperventilation can occur when a person begins to suffocate. To prevent this condition, it is necessary, firstly, to change position in bed as often as possible and, secondly, to regularly do breathing exercises, for example, blow up balloons every day.
Don't treat him like he's seriously ill
A long stay in bed, especially for a person who is active by nature, does not have the best effect on the psyche. Caprices begin, bouts of irritability or, conversely, despondency. Therefore, it is necessary to take into account some factors.
The patient needs a change of scenery, and since he himself cannot leave the room, sometimes invite guests to him. If there are children in the house, do not forbid them to go into the sick room. Position the bed so that more light falls on it. Opposite the eyes of the patient, place a bright picture, flowers, and if they are in your apartment, an aquarium or a cage with birds. The patient must see who enters the room. Protect him from any negative information. A bedridden patient should not watch TV - it is better to record films on video, which he will choose himself.
And one more important point: do not treat the bedridden person as seriously ill or demented. Behave normally, talk to him more often and ask more about something, provoking a dialogue.