People around me say that I have severe depression.
Fools...
What do they understand about it?
Snow falls in flakes, spinning around its axis, confirming the dullness and meaninglessness of everything that surrounds me. No, I don't depend on the weather. It's not about her, it's about me. The corrosive loneliness inside escalates. Like a disease, but without symptoms. Although if you take into account the disgust for life, then this is the main symptom ...
Recently went to a psychologist, it turned out funny. He says: "Smile, and people will be drawn to you." A strange woman ... do I want them to reach out to me? Correct my condition so that prolonged depression will let me go ... and let people roll ... “You have moderate depression. This is all from the weather - the sun has become less, the nights have become longer. Yes, thank God ... quieter and better at night. "And how do you sleep?" On my own schedule when it suits me. Got the recipe: eat, walk in sunny weather, wear brighter clothes. Funny. Does this crap help anyone? Although, .
As for me, before death you will not inhale. Is there any point in clinging to this life...
Chronic depression is my grudge against God
I think it's better at night. And not only think, but also suffer. At night, there is a feeling of immense loneliness. It is endless and sucks, depriving other thoughts. At one moment, the head, not nailed down by the daytime noise and shouting, begins to present the results in full. I am worthless, life is empty. Why is it all? Am I here to wallow in this delirium? Live for a candy wrapper? Don't want.
I have severe depression ... What will that aunt with an annoying voice answer me? Dress in bright shorts? Let her wear it herself, and leave me alone. She doesn’t exist at all, there are no these clothes and these people. It's all an illusion. God laughs at me...
Pitiful god. Where was he when I was giving up on all this? Why, if he loves all of us so much, he didn't make me happy? Mom says it's Murphy's law. But she does not know what is needed for happiness. And how should she know, her life is also not distinguished by joy.
There was hope for a social network. But she failed too. Sometimes I look at quotes in idiotic public pages “suicidal depression ...” - but what, is there some other one? I do not correspond with anyone - only idiots around. I don’t like anything - they don’t deserve it. I'm looking for something smart, something that will give me an idea. Wasted. And how would they know how to live in constant depression?
Does anyone else know what deep depression is?
Various "wise men" say... Don't care what they say. No one is interested in the authorities of bygone days. What can they do? I have a specific question: why am I here and why exactly here? Why not in the body of a woman, why am I not Asian, why am I not Einstein? And I answered: forgive each other and love each other - this is the point. So let them love, and I'll stand on the sidelines, I'll watch. True, acute depression sets in with renewed vigor. I want to suffocate from longing.
I wonder if anyone else feels the way I do? Or am I the only one?
Complaining to someone is pointless. Somehow I wrote somewhere on the wall that I feel bad, and that the end of the edge is not visible to this. That there is no way out of severe depression. Nobody answered me. This was to be expected.
What do I need to do to clear things up? The music allows me to forget for a while, but then, over the hum of my own questions, I stop hearing it. We have to rewind the tracks in a new way. Sluggish mockery, not life.
Prolonged depression and my loneliness
Autumn replaces summer, then winter comes - I do not feel the flow of time. Only external irritants - it's cold, you have to pull more clothes on yourself. But who would have known how painful all this fuss is. If you didn't have to mess with this body - feed it, dress it, wash it ... it would probably be tolerable. But it is. I can feel the temperature outside.
The street is damp and dirty. Coming home. I pull off this rag, close the door of the room, exhale. Finally, all this rubbish is not my life outside the door. I fall on the bed. One. Maybe it would be nice to be here with someone? Who can share this loneliness with? Is there really no one out of 7 billion? No... probably in the next life.
The circle closes, the black capsule of nothingness closes the world around me. Okay, I don't want to see him.
It turns out that I'm not sick, I'm just different. I am a sound engineer. I was born with other desires that have nothing to do with material possessions. It is not surprising that I am not interested in all this fuss about money, positions, show-offs, sweet songs about love ... This is not the main thing, and I do not live for this.
On this planet, the sound engineer has the most important task - to know his Self, the laws by which the Universe lives. It is not for nothing that he (that is, me!) was given the most powerful abstract intellect in its capabilities - to think, to comprehend meanings. And it is clear that in solitude and silence it is easier to focus on your thoughts.
I am an introvert. I'm not social, but that doesn't mean I'm doomed to avoid people. Only an idle thought, focused on myself, used to bring me to insomnia and unbearable headaches, to severe, unbearable depression... The feeling of worthlessness of existence signaled only one thing - I was going in the wrong direction. No wonder I wanted to quickly end this terrible torment, mistakenly called life. And yes, this life was my mistake.
Only now I begin to understand that everything in the world is comprehended through opposites. You can't see white if you haven't seen black. You cannot know good unless you know evil. And it is here that lies the main mistake of the sound engineer, who has distanced himself from the world inside his impenetrable cocoon. In a closed space, there can be no cognition within oneself. Plus and minus, wave and particle, body and soul, consciousness and the unconscious - everything is built on opposites and is known through opposites. Therefore, if I plug my ears with music, shut myself off from people, closing in on myself, I only increase the feeling of illusoryness and emptiness, moving myself away from the possibility of cognition. This is a mistake. Reclusion by itself does not lead anywhere. Only to severe depressive disorder.
Already at the first free lectures on system-vector psychology, I began to understand things that I had been looking for an explanation for many years. I did not have to believe what was said - everything that Yuri Burlan said was observed and double-checked in life. For the first time, I was surprised to find how pleasant it is to understand yourself. And the severe depression began to recede.
For the first time, when I observe other people, I get glimpses of joy instead of dislike. After all, it was I who was given a special potential to reveal what is impossible to touch with your hands - the soul of a person, his unconscious.
Free online lectures are coming soon for everyone to hear with their own ears.
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»
A camera on a pedestrian, a front-facing camera on a smartphone, random live streams…
Don't be surprised by such a strange topic - if you watch "Black Mirror" and "Riverdale" for a long time, and not such a thing will come to mind. And if immediately after them you start watching our Russian “Chernobyl. Exclusion Zone (wildly cool, by the way), then you can immediately order a ticket to a clinic for the mentally ill - or at least sign up with a psychologist. The fact that paranoia of this type is extremely common in our age, we learned not so long ago - at some gatherings, when we saw one of the participants with a sticker on the front camera on the phone. We talked, and the programmer said that there are real virus programs that can connect to your personal cameras and broadcast an image to no one knows where (and you probably go to all sorts of places with it, if you know what we mean). And a practicing psychologist noticed that patients with a mild form of paranoia began to turn to her more and more often - it seems to them that they are being watched through the front camera. Sounds creepy, I agree.
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A person who feels that he is being watched or constantly talked about rarely admits or shares these feelings with anyone, even with people close to him. Often this is due to a misunderstanding of his feelings. It is not uncommon when he can express his doubts to a loved one, but instead of understanding the problem and providing him with all possible assistance, he comes across ridicule or misunderstanding. In response to such a reaction, he becomes anxious, uncommunicative, depressed and sad, often withdrawing into his thoughts. Now, with the development of technology, such people have the opportunity to completely anonymous consultation via the Internet. In such situations, they carefully try to find out the essence of their own problem, which they most often feel on their own. In most cases, patients who come with an obsessive idea that others are watching or talking about them receive either a harsh answer about the presence of delusions, paranoia, schizophrenia, or, conversely, a statement that this is a psychological problem that a psychologist can solve .
In the first case, a person, as a rule, is frightened and withdraws into himself even more, which gives impetus to the further development of that mental disorder, as a result of which he experiences increased attention from others, feeling that he is being watched or talked about.
In the second option, a person takes on faith that a psychologist can help him, and goes to see him. A competent psychologist, having met with similar thoughts from his patient, will always find the right incentive and motivation for the patient to send him to see a psychotherapist - in this situation, talking and quoting great ones will not help.
Photo tumblr.com
To understand how to act for you, first try to determine how strong your paranoia is. If you just notice the cameras around and are a little worried about this, it’s not scary and you can handle it yourself. We are not in the TV series "Suspect", and there is no car, no people who sit and watch with interest how and on what you got to school and what you ate for lunch. Change your attitude to this obsessive thought - there are cameras everywhere for the sake of safety. Not for spying at all. And if the cameras on your phone bother you, then either choose a model with a shutter, or stick them with a sticker - at the same time you can customize your smartphone. If you can’t direct your thoughts in the right direction, and the obsessive thoughts don’t go away, try to still seek help from a doctor. We are aware that this is not accepted in our country.
For some reason, many are still convinced that if you periodically see a psychotherapist, then something is wrong with you.
In fact, such visits say only one thing about a person - he is very conscious and understands that mental health is no less important than physical. Such visits will help relieve stress and look at many problems from a different angle - and understand that these are not problems at all. In the meantime, understand yourself, start small - arrange yourself a digital detox. Get out of all social networks, try not to pick up your phone and just spend the weekend in silence. Stay with your boyfriend or family, and if photographing every moment of your life is a basic need for you, just take a regular camera. Go to a place where there will be no cameras, no technology in principle - to the country house or even to the alpaca farm. You will stroke kind, fluffy, serene animals. Pet therapy in action.
The desire to prove something to others is a disease that a huge number of people suffer from. The more often a person tries to convince you that he does not pay attention to what “vile little people think”, the more he depends on the opinions of others who can make him almost jump off the second floor to prove to the world that he is a man. In general, this phrase "you're a man" makes people do all sorts of crap for the amusement of others. Why do you need to refuse to go on about "weak" and "you're a man"? It's simple: you lose your free will and start dancing to the tune of others. How to stop doing this and try to become a person? Read on Broadude.
1. People are already impressed when you do what you want.
Think about which is better in the long run: to be hated for being you, or to be loved for being who you are not. In fact, only relationships that work well in the long run are the best relationships, because they affect us positively without turning us into someone we really aren't.
Do not pay attention to comparisons and haters - there are enough of them in every business. Haters for no particular reason - they terribly want to control someone else's life. The only person you should look up to is you. You need to break not other people's records, but your own. Don't listen to anyone, even when they tell you something like "you're already in good shape, stop rocking." It seems to you that you don’t look very good yet, so you have to keep going. I assure you, worthy people will note that you are acting of your own free will, this is perfectly visible and it is for this that you will be respected.
2. Nobody knows what's best for you
Not losing yourself is a good chance to be accepted by others. The ability to walk your path confidently and without waiting for instructions from someone else is worthy of respect. You must take all your steps yourself and think about it too. No one has a right to you, because the only person who can understand you, according to the English proverb, has to walk several miles in your shoes, and no one wants to do that, believe me.
Let others be like you. Speak the truth, even if your voice is trembling. Be true to yourself and your own rules, and then you will quickly realize that the world around you is not so shitty, you just could not find your place in it before.
3. You are the only person who can completely change your life.
Most of the people around you can influence (sometimes very strongly) on your life, but none of them will ever change your nature, at most - the tip of the iceberg that has appeared above the water. What is buried under cold waters is much deeper and more interesting, only you can influence it! To change ourselves, to do what we want is our lot. Not a single person, no matter how sincerely he loves us, will ever know what is going on in your soul. Even if this person has completely dissolved into us and lives only our life (and this is generally an extremely negative part of the character).
If someone thinks you can't achieve something, do you seriously think it makes sense to stop there? Just do it, man, and don't look back at others.
4. What society thinks about your wealth doesn't really mean anything.
Unless, of course, this society condemns you to be burned at the stake, then their opinion means a lot! Each person at least once found himself between his desires and what the environment wants from him. If you have not made it your goal to live according to other people's ideas, know that to follow their lead means to lose yourself. Erich Fromm, in his book "Escape from Freedom", which I strongly advise you to read, wrote about the life of a doctor who assured everyone around that he was madly in love with his work. In the end, as a result of conversations with a psychoanalyst, he understands that in fact the reason for his anxieties and neuroses is that he chose this profession at the age of 17, when his father gently forced him into it. The dude wanted to be an architect, architecture was his passion, but his father gently, with some irony, convinced him that architecture is just a stupid pink childhood dream, but if he really wants to prove that he is a grown man who wants to do business, he I should have gone into medicine. The dude chose a lucrative career as a doctor instead of an uncertain future in architecture. Most people always evaluate other people according to the criteria: what he has and what he does not have. There is a car, an apartment and a woman - a real dude. There is no car, but there is a bicycle - a loser. And it’s really difficult for such people to explain that you never aspired to make money on a rusty trough. They don't understand this.
5. Life is not a race
Life is a marathon in which there are no and cannot be winners. Why? And who are the judges? Happiness, progress, and life satisfaction are not the end result, but a constant uphill climb. So just enjoy the climbs and look around in search of beauty. Stop trying to prove to everyone that you are cooler than your brother, classmates and childhood friend. In fact, nobody needs it. But if you are sincerely satisfied with your life and diligently cultivate yourself in all areas of life, honor and praise to you, man! It is obvious! If you are constantly trying to prove something to someone, you lose touch with the real world and the opportunity to do what you like. As Eric Cartman says, "Fuck you, I'm home!"
6. Be okay with people remembering your failures.
If people constantly remind you of your previous mistakes, doesn't that mean they are? Do they really have nothing else to do? It is obvious that they are extremely insignificant, that they remember all your steps in order to use them against you.
Failures and failures that haunt us all our lives. If you treat them with caution, if after each failure you wring your hands and lament “For what?”, Listen to ill-wishers who say: “I told you so”, you will never achieve anything. You will be trampled by public opinion and will dutifully run to do what the public has prepared for you. Now they will dictate to you where you belong and what you should do.
Take failures only as life lessons, as invaluable experience. This truly Buddhist approach to life will save you some senseless suffering.
All motivation is gone: everything seems meaningless. How to make something meaningful or believe in something?
No one will give meaning to your life for you! This is your responsibility! What you draw - this will be. You won't draw any - there won't be any!!! Meaning is your job, don't demand it from Existence. Existence has no meaning, it is concerned only with its holiday and its happiness.
What to do if there are no desires and motivation to live, if the world of the inhabitants is not interesting to you, and their aspirations and goals do not suit you, and you do not have a "favorite business"? How to continue to live in society?
Make your beliefs more flexible. Finally grow up and do it. Nobody will do it for you. Favorite business is what you yourself will fall in love with, YOURSELF! You are the source! And not to play these games: "Oh, my motivation is gone, I'm so fragile - the wind will blow away." “All around is the world of evil inhabitants - and I, I’m so special!” “Oh, I don’t have a favorite thing to do, so much is needed for this, but I don’t have anything, poor me, poor, I would somehow endure myself, not that it’s a matter.” We need to find strength and get out of this dohlyak, doing, not thinking. You said you didn't try to do something? Or are only vulnerable philosophers with a hypersensitive nature gathered here, stuck on childish infantilism? I have a good recommendation: see a professional psychologist! If he himself is not as dead as you are. In any case, the world will take care of you, it will press hard on you, beat you until you take your head and start doing, enduring and growing up. Society, you see, does not suit you, but what have you done for society?
How to get out of the state when everything is lazy and you don’t want to do anything? I don’t want anything, and the thought of any action causes melancholy and seems meaningless. What to do, how to keep/create motivation for action?
Depends on the specific situation. The situation on the verge of clinical always requires a detailed professional assessment of the psychotherapist.
Do, not think. Think we are all artists! But to create something - zero will, a dead character, passivity in relation to goals. Such people have nothing to do in the modern world, running to a psychologist - and five years of self-satisfaction in soul-searching along with him. How much can you love yourself so desperately? Well, what are you like to love yourself like that?
What is a motive, where does it come from, and can you create it yourself? How are motives related, if related, to a person's age?
The mechanical man is associated with age. Some motives are created by the person himself, others are created by his karma.
If a person owns the time line, he himself creates both himself in the future time and any motivation, increasing positive karma there. You need a goal in the future, a powerful goal, to reverse the influence of karma, which is always on the timeline in the past. The present is the point of change. Decide for yourself now and as specifically as possible: what strong dream, goal or business you want to see in your future, what you will do for this, and all the negative karma of the past will disappear with time.
How to overcome infantilism? What specifically hinders totality in self-development? What is superficiality - in the absence of strong motivation? How to realize and understand, for example, that you are engaged in self-deception and do not really want to change anything?
Blah blah blah. Inward mumbling has never yet overcome anything. What I see here is boundless self-love and an unwillingness to get off your ass and do something with your life. Do it, don't think about it!
/ R.I. Popov 100 questions.
Question to a psychologist
Hello. I am 25 years old. I often feel "worse than others". Although I think that I have adequate self-esteem. I constantly envy others: that they travel, they have a husband, or they do something that I can’t (for example, metalwork or good English). Moreover, I summarize all this envy, and in this way I compare myself with the collective image of a "superman" who can do everything that I cannot. I don't like showing off (posting photos to contacts, etc.), but I like being praised. I try very hard to get this praise, but for some reason, after my efforts, I may not get it, or they may scold me at all. I'm afraid to give all the best at 100 percent (for example, in creativity - to do work for a competition or exhibition). Firstly, it is quite difficult when you also work and need to do household chores. Secondly, I'm afraid that if I do my best, on the move, and do not take a place, I will be very offended by the fact that I think that I do it well (and this is my talent), but according to the jury, this is not So. I'm afraid to lose the remnants of self-confidence (that's why sometimes I prefer not to even participate). I want to be the best, then I will feel like everyone else. I want to do everything well, but all the time there are some jambs (in work or somewhere else), for which I worry and think "that's how it would be better" (I just torture sometimes with these thoughts that people look and notice the jamb and think badly of me). And I want everyone to love me.
I don’t particularly like to share my experiences and thoughts, I keep everything to myself (unlike my sister and mother). I can trust those closest to me, but only my relatives (I don’t tell my friends personal information, they can use it to prick more painfully during a quarrel; and I will be ashamed of my “weakness”, because I want to seem strong and carefree to them). I used to tell my grandmother everything (when I was at school), but later my mother and father divorced and my mother and sister and I moved to another city. I had no one to share with. At first I endured, but then life forced me to share with my sister and mother. But they don't understand me, and sometimes they don't even listen. Mom overly controls me and my sister (she took on the role of a man in the house .... and a tyrant). And this control is not like that when they are asked to return home at 23.00 ("standard" control was never superfluous, I am responsible and they trusted me). But on the other hand, they controlled thoughts, feelings and statements: mom is always right, you have to do what she needs, etc. If you want to live in peace and without scandals, you must fulfill the following requirements:
do what mom says (if we cooked food, mom came home from work, but she wants something else, she needs to cook it;
dad is always to blame for everything;
if she doesn’t like it, then she needs to redo it, submit it, bring it (even if she walks closer);
you have to be humble about everything, and if mom says to do it today, then do it today (even if you have other plans).
I have always proved something to someone: that I am not boring, that you can be friends with me, that I can. Then I realized that no one needs my achievements, except for me, and someone does it better, or someone is just bolder and gets it, and I don’t even try, because I’m afraid. And if only this, but all this happens in a complex: few friends and rare meetings (and sometimes I’m even afraid to invite somewhere, because they can refuse .... after all, it often happened that they refused (business and other everyday reasons) ; lack of a young man (I can’t even imagine where to get him and why others have him, but I don’t .... I’m very good); financial problems, loans, etc.; a job that I don’t really like (and want do something else, but it so happened that because of the previous point I depend on this one, well, I'm just afraid); a family in which everything is not so smooth; well, the only thing that still somehow fluctuates is my favorite thing, creativity, then of which I am sure (but periodically this confidence goes away).
I don't like to lie and pretend, but I have to do it all the time. Mom is kind and sympathetic with other people, but with us it’s the other way around (she, of course, helps us with her sister, but not like that ... sometimes it seems that she will give the last, ... sometimes it happened .... a large amount in debt ( which they don’t give back later), etc ..... the sister also has such a feature, everything is different, and then the family.
Sometimes it seems to me that my sister has more indulgence (she is the youngest): I am asked to do something more, she is scolded less; when I have to apologize (after a quarrel with my mother ... I always apologize .... always ... because my mother is always right), and she doesn’t care in the same situation, she just leaves, closes in the room .. ..and the next day, as if there was no quarrel (and they can sulk at me for several days, even if it’s not my fault at all, but my sister (I just got into a hot hand .... and the funny thing is that in this situation I apologize too.)
If you have any advice on what to do, I would be very happy. Thank you very much.
Hello Clore.
Your phrase caught my attention:
I often feel "worse than others". Although I think that I have adequate self-esteem.
It turns out that an adequate assessment is to consider yourself worse than others? Or, on the one hand, do you value yourself, and on the other hand, do you consider yourself worse than others? It turns out that in order to feel good, you need to prove to yourself all the time that I am not "worse", without the hope of ever proving it? Perhaps this phrase expresses an internal problem that hurts you.
Next, you write about your mother's control and your own secretiveness, which coexists with a strong desire to share feelings. On the one hand - the desire to trust, on the other - the fear of opening up. After describing the control, it becomes clear: how can you open up if you can be judged, if they try to control you a lot? After all, annoying control gives rise to a natural desire to close.
So you signed your letter Klor, and even in English letters. How do I understand that no one guessed anything? You ask to help you with something. I invite you to think about what is happening to you and what could be the causes of the problems that prevent you from enjoying life.
For example, your secretiveness is quite justified and may be understandable, but it interferes with your desire for communication, because communication is very important. Without it, stagnation occurs in life, communication helps to solve problems, as it creates a stream of events, experiences for this, gives strength. What can you do about it? After all, only communication can help you correct the feeling "I am worse than others." But how can you afford it, because the fear of being worse prevents you?
What can help you with this? What is needed for this? What can you start doing here? How to understand your caution and how you can strengthen yourself to allow communication. After all, the absence of a young man is, perhaps, a manifestation of your secrecy, your fear of a relationship with another person, unknown and therefore dangerous?
All the best, Clore,
Kuvshinov Alexander Viktorovich, psychologist-psychoanalyst, St. Petersburg
Good answer 2 bad answer 0Hello Klor!
At the heart of all your problems lies low self-esteem. You constantly compare yourself with others, you need praise, you are insecure and afraid to change jobs - all these are consequences of low self-esteem. You did not have enough parental love, so it is difficult for you to accept and love yourself this way. what you are. And others treat you the way you treat yourself.
You are 25 years old, but psychologically you remain a little girl who has not emotionally separated from her mother. You are afraid of close relationships, it is hard for you to open up to people, therefore a young man does not appear in your life.
Your mother is a "tyrant", so you have formed a model of "victim" behavior that prevents you from living in such a way that you feel happy. To get out of the "victim", you need to grow up and take responsibility for everything that happens in your life. This is a lot of internal work, and you are unlikely to cope on your own. You need the help of a specialist or a psychological support group, or better, both.
If you are ready to work, come to an individual consultation.
Stolyarova Marina Valentinovna, psychologist-consultant, St. Petersburg
Good answer 3 bad answer 1 Good answer 2 bad answer 0