How to be the best boss. What should be the boss to effectively lead the team

There is little desire to become a boss, you need to meet the requirements that apply to a person in a leadership position.

Three steps to overcome on the way to the cherished place

The first stage on the difficult path to the top of a career is high professionalism. Being an ordinary employee of the organization and wishing to reach heights in a career, one should be the best in the performance of duties. The results should not be achieved with the help of colleagues at work.

The second stage to be overcome is the ability to work in a team. It is important to be able to be part of something in common, a chain that generates business processes. Once you reach the third level, you may consider yourself ready to become a boss. The third level of personal growth involves the ability to work as a manager. You should not define a manager as a person who is part of the office.

In fact, a manager is a middle manager who has subordinate employees of the association. Here it is important to be able to learn how to manage representatives of lower levels, select personnel, train them, setting the right tasks for each employee and the company as a whole. It is important to develop management skills in yourself, which can be achieved as a department head.

What personality traits should be developed

To become a leader, you must be able to influence people. As a rule, this is an innate feeling. Some experts are of a different opinion, believing that this quality is equivalent to charisma and the ability to be different from others. In fact, you should create a certain myth, which you need to believe in yourself, after which everyone around you will believe in it.

The second important quality is self-confidence, which should not only be possessed initially, but also developed if there is not enough of it in a person. You should use the experience of professional athletes, with whom psychologists often work to develop self-confidence.

Stress resistance should be possessed not least, since the boss always bears responsibility not only for his work, but also for the effectiveness of the entire department or unit. This is not always easy, since there will always be a couple of negligent employees, they receive “for nothing” for their work and at the same time harm the company with their presence.

• 1 Can everyone become good bosses?
• 3 Qualities of a good leader
• 4 Common Newbie Mistakes
• 5 Frequently Asked Questions
  • 5.1 Is it possible for a woman to become a good leader?
  • 5.2 Is it possible to become a leader with softness of character?

Despite the years of development of control theory, it is not always possible to successfully apply its mechanisms in practice. Many managers simply do not know how to properly organize the work of departments, the entire company, get out of a problem situation with minimal losses, choose the optimal leadership style, learn how to put into practice various management functions (planning, organization, support, control), etc. But if you study at least the basic foundation of management theory, if you wish, every manager will be able to establish successful work of the team.

Can everyone become good bosses?

Almost every person strives to become a boss, but, as practice shows, you also need to be able to lead. In addition to the formal appointment to the position, the chief must have a certain set of professional and personal qualities, be able to plan and create effective strategies, as well as control their implementation. It is also important to have experience in the field of activity and specialized education, although these factors are not a critical condition.

The day of the boss, as a rule, is very dynamic - meetings with managers and executors, work with incoming and outgoing documentation, solving current problems, etc. Therefore, many decisions are made on the run, during meetings on other topics, you have to quickly weigh the risk of not making and making a decision. To become an effective leader, you must have a strong personal, emotional and professional potential, be able to correctly distribute your tasks and entrust most of the current affairs to performers, only controlling the process of their solution. For example, you don’t need to develop a buyer’s corner on your own, the boss only needs to approve the document and subsequently review the records and respond to them.

Advice: in order to make teamwork more efficient, the manager should develop his own staff motivation system (cash bonuses, accrual of points for receiving incentives at the end of the year, letters of thanks to families, etc.).

It is also important to be able to manage a team, improve the effectiveness of teamwork, which is not given to all managers. Becoming a leader without experience is also quite realistic. A positive result depends only on the desire to achieve success and the correct use in practice of the principles of effective leadership (to a lesser extent - on professionalism and knowledge in the chosen niche). One idea for a business, as well as just the intention to lead, is still not enough, it is necessary to plan it correctly and monitor the implementation of tasks.

Becoming a successful leader is really hard. As a rule, the best specialist from the team is invited to the position of leader - a good salesperson becomes the head of the sales department, the lead programmer becomes a team leader (this is an IT specialist who manages his development team). But it should be borne in mind that, despite this pattern, not all excellent specialists can become good managers, although it is desirable that they be experts in their field, otherwise it will be much more difficult to earn credibility and improve the quality level of work.

It is also very important to learn how to choose the right leadership style - not to get carried away with directives, but also not to be too soft. If employees are doing their job well and there is no need for immediate intervention, let them perform the assigned tasks on their own. You should not use power as a management tool, it is better to learn how to communicate with your people, negotiate, explain and build partnerships. Financial incentives for the good work of employees are always welcome, for example, the thirteenth salary, bonus payments. You can master the principles of a successful leader and effectively apply them in practice with the help of special business trainings and master classes, studying specialized periodicals and business books.

Qualities of a good leader

In addition to appropriate education and work experience in a particular field, a good leader must have a set of professional qualities necessary for activities in the chosen field. But the main quality of a boss is trust, personal devotion and the ability to mobilize to solve a specific problem. After all, professional problems are solved by performers, and the leader must choose and approve one of the options for eliminating it. For example, curators of customer loyalty programs must be able to professionally work with several market segments, be proactive, independent, have excellent presentation and communication skills.

Only experience and knowledge for successful activity in the chosen field will not be enough. The boss must develop and consolidate at least the basic qualities (personal, intellectual and professional) necessary for full-fledged management:

1. Communication skills, the ability to establish contact with a person.
2. Perspective thinking.
3. Efficiency in making appropriate decisions, including risky ones.
4. Consistency and purposefulness, consistency in actions.
5. Self-criticism, the ability to soberly evaluate their decisions, use the positive experience of other leaders.
6. The ability to become a leader.
7. High resistance to frustration when faced with troubles and problems.
8. Tolerance and objectivity.
9. Ability to criticize constructively.
10. Professionalism in the chosen field of activity.

Advice: it is very important for the leader to study and implement the principles of time management in daily practice. Thanks to this, he will be able to properly plan his working time, avoid confusion, mistakes and significantly increase work efficiency without unnecessary labor costs.

Common Newbie Mistakes

The process of appointing a new boss is traditionally accompanied by specific difficulties and changes in the organization of the work of the team. In today's market conditions, they are even more noticeable due to the increasing complexity of the device of modern companies and the speed of doing business. Often, at the initial stage, a beginner critically lacks a detailed understanding of the tasks and the real cost of solutions. But at the same time, it is during this period that it is necessary to achieve dynamics in one's actions, as well as win the trust of the team.

A novice manager needs to adapt to a new place as soon as possible, avoiding blunders, and get closer to the point of self-sufficiency, when he can bring real benefits to the company.

Typical mistakes of a new leader:

1. Incorrect positioning, lack of self-presentation at the stage of acquaintance.
2. The desire to perform tasks on their own, and not just plan them, while the key competence of the boss is not to independently achieve results, but only together with the team. For example, in order to assess staff turnover, it is not necessary to look for the reasons yourself, HR specialists can do this, and the manager will only analyze the data and decide whether to optimize the work of the department.
3. The desire to be good for all team members, especially for those with whom you have previously worked together, the choice of a liberal style of communication. A beginner often makes minimum requirements for assignments, analyzes the results biased, fearing discontent and conflicts in the team.
4. The choice of an authoritarian leadership style, when power is actively demonstrated, all emotional contacts are minimized, and the effectiveness of teamwork is built on strict diligence, a system of penalties, and the like.
5. Exaggerated expectations from subordinates, neglect of their professionalism.
6. The desire to do many things at the same time for a faster development of the project and carelessness in relation to important details that fall out of sight.
7. Discussion in the team of misses and failures of the previous leader.

The consequences of starting mistakes for a novice manager can be both simply unpleasant and fatal in terms of career growth: demotion, dismissal, partial or complete dismissal of the former team, difficulties in performing a given amount of tasks, very low efficiency in using the working potential of employees.

FAQ

Consider frequently asked questions on the topic.

Can a woman become a good leader?

Traditionally in society, it is believed that men have better professional competence than women. In addition, among the leaders, as a rule, there are always more representatives of the stronger sex. But in fact, quality management does not depend on the gender of the boss, but on the spectrum of his personal and business qualities. The wider and deeper it is, the more effectively the manager will be able to organize the workflow and achieve the desired level of performance.

It is quite possible for a woman to become a good leader. But experts note that, according to statistics, men and women do perform some managerial functions equally well, but some are better implemented only by one or another. For example, women are the best mentors and coaches (consultants and coaches who help overcome psychological and professional problems), and the stronger sex is more effective where tight control and a directive style are required. A woman, if desired, can become a good leader, gender is not an obstacle. The main thing is to be a professional and learn how to properly manage a team.

Is it possible to become a leader with softness of character?

According to experts, it is quite difficult to become a leader with a soft character, and such people, as a rule, quickly end their careers. They fail to establish proper communication with the team and build an optimal system of personal relationships. Excessive softness and pliability, especially if the boss is a woman, almost always interfere with the quality performance of a given amount of work and the correct formation of hierarchical relations in a team, and do not allow the leader to become a leader. But at the same time, it is also impossible to completely do without this character trait. In a certain proportion and in specific situations, it must also be present. A good leader should combine seemingly mutually exclusive qualities: softness and firmness, the ability to demand and carry out assigned tasks, to control and trust, to be official and moderately close to the team.

Do you want to work in a managerial position and be respected by subordinate employees? How to be a good team leader? It is much more difficult for a woman to take a leadership position, in contrast to a man who is initially endowed with leadership character traits. Can a fragile woman lead a solid company and succeed in this field?

Can everyone be managers and leaders?

Not all people can become leaders. First of all, women leaders are self-confident individuals who are used to working hard and constantly learning something new.

You will never become a leader if you are used to shifting responsibility to other people. In addition, it is initially desirable for a woman to have a good and trusting relationship with the team, otherwise it will be too difficult to gain respect later.

A woman cannot become a leader if she is not ready to devote most of her time to the work and development of the organization. Alas, rest with a good leader is very rare, so you must be able to properly allocate your time, especially if you are married.

How to become a good leader of the fair sex? First of all, you need to study the typical mistakes and miscalculations that will not allow you to lead a serious company for a long time. These are the errors:

1. Excessive ambition. Healthy ambitions are good, but in order to achieve success, you need to know the measure and soberly assess your capabilities.
2. Increased requirements that do not meet the expectations and capabilities of employees.
3. Aggressiveness and disdainful communication with subordinates. Your tone of business conversation should not depend on everyday mood, health status and other related factors (some representatives of the weaker sex forget about this rule).
4. Softness of character and excessive compliance (some exceptionally feminine qualities of character in a leadership position will have to be forgotten).
5. Indifference to the affairs of the company and employees: a good boss knows everything about the life of his team.

Below are the main character traits that you must develop in yourself in order to become a true leader:

1. Purposefulness and desire to learn something new. A good boss is a person who is constantly improving in his chosen field and related areas. Reading relevant literature and communicating with qualified professionals will help you become competent.
2. Forget about excessive softness and indifference. Know how to be demanding when necessary. Remember that a good leader does not have to be surrounded by the love of others, he should only be respected and listened to.
3. Impulsivity and emotionality are your enemies. Women are naturally prone to sudden and spontaneous decisions based on feelings and emotions. At work, you should think first of all with your head, so carefully weigh and think over your decisions several times.
4. Ability to react quickly in case of unforeseen situations. You must be prepared that not everything will go according to a well-defined plan. The ability to draw the right conclusions in force majeure situations is another quality of a true leader.
5. Ability to listen to the opinion of subordinates. Of course, you can become a female dictator, but this is not always the best leadership style. Be sure to listen to the ideas of your employees, take note of valuable and useful thoughts. Some useful tips for a business lady

How to become a good leader for a woman? Read on for some helpful tips to help you manage your team with integrity and dignity.

Remember that work is not a place for amorous affairs. Of course, office romances are always piquant and exciting, but such intrigues can simply interfere with your power. A person who has become close may well take advantage of his position and influence the decisions of the leadership, and not always for the better. That is why personal life is recommended to be arranged outside the organization.

You don't have to be the irreplaceable boss. Your task is not to control all areas of activity of your employees, but to create a system that could regulate itself independently, and in some cases, do without the help of a manager. If you neglect this rule, you will have to spend days and nights at work trying to prevent the slightest mistakes of your subordinates.

Note: the correct line of conduct must be carried out immediately after entering a new position. At the same time, you should keep the necessary distance with the team even during informal communication, for example, at a corporate event. About the holidays should be said separately: the lady-boss needs to keep her "face" and maintain a dignified appearance even in the midst of general fun. That is why control the amount of alcohol consumed and do not allow yourself too much if you do not want laughter behind your back and other unpleasant situations in the future.

To demonstrate her leadership qualities, a lady needs to be competent, to be able to solve organizational issues. It’s not worth it, which they clearly cannot afford: you must be able to resolve all contentious issues and conflict situations on your own.

How to gain credibility with employees? Show unobtrusive attention to them. A good way to do this is to congratulate subordinates on their birthday, present small gifts, and also ask about the health status of a sick employee. All this will demonstrate your interest and indifference.

Pay attention to your appearance as well. A female leader is always impeccable styling and neat manicure, light makeup, as well as a stylish business suit that emphasizes the dignity of the figure. If you find it difficult to choose a wardrobe yourself, seek the help of a professional stylist.

Overwork will not lead to anything good. Get enough sleep: get at least 7-8 hours of sleep, take regular short breaks at work and try to snack on healthy foods. A business lady should always be in shape!

First of all, you need to get rid of the idea that the leader is always a man. In the modern world, the fair sex has acquired equal rights with the male half, so you can easily lead a company, regardless of the scale of its activities.

Another psychological trap to get rid of is the desire to please and please everyone in an effort to gain popularity. Being in the main position, you will definitely get your ill-wishers, besides, as a boss, it is simply unforgivable to show weakness: one such feeling, and you will have to change jobs.

Do not think that taking the place of a leader, you automatically lose all the other benefits that girls strive for. Modern business women perfectly combine work and home, build a family and have strong healthy relationships. If you are sorely lacking free time, it is recommended to take a time management course: such courses perfectly show how to distribute all the hours in a day and leave time not only for work, but also for exciting free time.

Some psychological advice:

1. Don't forget that you are a woman. In order not to become a boss in the eyes of your subordinates, try to move away from the usual orders and move on to requests. Politely ask an employee to nail a shelf or move a table: you can be sure that this will not affect your authority in any way, but it will preserve femininity.
2. Choose the right mood. It must be extremely positive. You should not think in the morning that you will have a difficult day: start your morning with pleasant and familiar procedures, and end the evening on the same note (watch entertaining films, read light literature).
3. Know how to clearly and clearly refuse, preferably with the argumentation of your refusal. The ability to say “no” at the right time is another important psychological technique.

Thus, a woman in the position of chief is a very real phenomenon, which has become quite common in recent years. The combination of the necessary softness and purposefulness, the ability to understand her subordinates and listen to their opinions make the lady a born leader who will improve and develop the company's activities.

admin

In modern society, the financial situation becomes the main argument that determines the social status of a person. The only legitimate way to be at the top of the hierarchy is to get a high-paying position in a successful company, becoming the head of an enterprise or a certain division. , controlling the daily life and work of "subordinates" is the dream of most ordinary employees. Only a few workers are capable of becoming a competent boss who knows the nuances of the profession and understands the personal qualities of colleagues. It is not surprising that at the head of enterprises are managers who have among other employees. However, good leaders are not born, they are made. You can have leadership qualities and learn, but not be able to control the work of your employees. The main task of the boss is to organize the labor activity of the “wards”, stimulating them in time or punishing them for being relaxed.

All chefs once started with ordinary positions, doing ordinary work. Some bosses could not cope with the responsibility entrusted to them, having lost the trust of their superiors. The main reason why promising employees failed to live up to expectations is a limited view of the relationship in the team. It makes no sense to consider only the business version of communication between colleagues, forgetting about personal conversations, sympathy, friendship and hatred.

Only a few people who know how to manage a team and know the peculiarities of work, who have leadership qualities and responsibility can be a boss

Based on the above factors, it becomes clear that a good boss should be a sensitive psychologist who anticipates a change in mood in the team. If you do not learn to read the minds of your employees, then theft and lies will flourish at work, and the company's performance in an economically unstable time will negatively affect the profitability of the enterprise. In this situation, the only rational solution is to learn how to manage your “wards”, earning authority and respect among colleagues. To achieve the cherished goal, it is necessary first of all to deal with the theoretical part of the following question: How to lead a team?

Manager's tasks

Each company employs employees with different life positions, hobbies and prohibitions, so you can’t communicate with colleagues adhering to the same format. A conversation that stimulates one person to work can have a negative impact on another person, instantly undermining the authority of the boss. People who find themselves in a leadership position should first of all look around, study the behavior and characters of the “wards”, avoiding premature conclusions and verdicts. Detachment from the team in the first days of work will allow you to form your own opinion about each employee. If you follow the lead of society, you will immediately lose respect among colleagues. The decisions of the chief cannot be challenged, but must be prudent, balanced and fair. It is not surprising that newly-minted bosses are sent to trainings where professionals are taught to manage people and control the work of each member of the team. Once in the chair of the chief, you should adhere to the following rules, postponing the hasty imposition of punishments and the application of sanctions to employees:

Find out the traditions and orders established in the team. It is important to respect the foundations that have been held in society for many years - the main thing is that the daily life of employees does not interfere with production processes.
Get to know the “subordinates” by making for yourself a psychological portrait of each colleague. Find an individual approach to employees by identifying their preferences and fears. One "ward" can be motivated by a bonus, while the other will work only under the threat of dismissal.
Find out who is the unspoken leader of the team. Having met a person who enjoys authority among colleagues, you can get a general impression of the foundations that have developed in the company. If you have a mercantile, cunning and insidious person in front of you, then theft and deceit flourish in the enterprise. If you see in front of you a professional who wants to work for the good of the company, then it remains only to direct his aspirations in the right direction. Act according to the situation, but to enter into an open conflict with the unspoken leader of the team, without yet gaining authority among colleagues, is an inappropriate decision.
Having picked up the “key” to the secret desires of each employee, do not manipulate the “subordinates”. Create a friendly atmosphere in the team, where honesty and openness, professional skills and a high level of productivity will be valued among colleagues. However, do not forget to punish employees for misconduct by demonstrating the need to comply with the procedures you have established.
Do not single out individual employees in the team, guided by personal sympathies. Bonuses or praise from superiors can only be received by responsible colleagues who have completed the production plan ahead of schedule or have concluded a deal that is beneficial for the company. Employees must be clearly aware that flattery and friendly communication with the leader will not help on the way to career heights.

Having decided on the plan for the upcoming work, it is important to pay attention to your own position in the team. Employees will invariably obey you, because violation of the order of the boss is fraught with a fine or dismissal. However, to increase the productivity of the company, inspiring colleagues to work overtime and endowing each member of the team with enthusiasm, you can only lead by example.

In the current situation, it is important for a short period of time. Demonstrate professional skills to colleagues, because you were appointed to a leadership position not by acquaintance, but for your flexible mind and resourcefulness. Employees of the enterprise must be clearly aware that your social position in the company is confirmed by qualifications and personal qualities. The boss is a self-sufficient person who is able to organize the work of "wards", perform tasks independently, help and prompt employees, direct their energy in the right direction.

A boss who can remotely monitor the work of each team member will achieve the highest level of productivity in the company

In order for employees to follow your orders without question, it is important to choose the right behavior model. The manner of communication and the format of relationships with colleagues directly depend on the mood prevailing in the team. If the company is dominated by young employees who have recently graduated from the university, then it is preferable to pay attention to the learning behavior model. You should become an example for colleagues, advising them and helping them in difficult situations. The main thing is not to overdo it with virtue, so that “subordinates” strive to complete the tasks on their own, and not turn to you at the slightest difficulty. The strictness and prudence of the boss is the way to increase the level of company productivity.

You must control the work of each employee, paying attention to the relationships of employees within the team. Personal communication during working hours is strictly prohibited, because suspended conversations negatively affect the work capacity of colleagues. However, do not forget that if things do not go according to the planned course, the panicked mood of the boss should not be transmitted to the employees. Remember the general recommendations for new leaders, following which you can learn to control the activities of each member of the team:

Refer to employees by name, demonstrating to colleagues your participation in the life of the team. The boss who manages the company is the same person who should not forget about the rules of decency in society, etiquette and courtesy.
You do not need to regularly remind employees of their job responsibilities, specifying the deadlines for completing tasks. A fair boss once pronounces a plan for future work. If the company employs professionals, then they will definitely hear you. If employees leave tasks unattended, then there comes a moment of partial change of team members.
Do not limit yourself to orders, forgetting about human relationships. Trust your employees if they have not given you a reason to doubt their professional qualities. The authoritarian model of communication should be used only in exceptional cases, when colleagues do not understand the seriousness of the intentions and the importance of the tasks set.
Learn to listen to people who come to you for advice or complaints. You must carefully read the information provided, making a reasonable decision on the question asked. In some situations, "subordinates" turn to superiors with pressing problems, which are not correct to turn a blind eye.
Prefer to build work in a team according to the “carrot and stick” method. Motivate your "mentees" with bonuses and encourage the initiative of colleagues who want to increase the level of enterprise productivity. It is preferable to punish lazy people and irresponsible employees by applying sanctions and fines to them.
Consider the opinions of "subordinates" in conversations on specialized topics. The engineer knows more than you about the structural features of the object being erected, so it is not advisable to make a decision without his participation. The team must employ craftsmen whose professional opinion you trust.
Keep promises by demonstrating to employees the weight of the words spoken by the boss. If you told your colleagues that you will reward them if they exceed the plan, then do it - you can not jeopardize the competence of the boss.

A leadership position is not only a variety of privileges over employees, but also responsibility, accompanied by various problems.

In situations where the team refuses to accept your candidacy for a leadership position, the only way to change the course of events is to demonstrate your professional skills to employees. It is categorically impossible to fall into depression and succumb to the condemnation of the public. and prudence will help you make the right decisions while maintaining self-esteem. Show your colleagues that you are a specialist who rightfully occupies a highly paid position. Even ardent instigators of conflict situations at work will not be able to oppose anything to your actions, which positively affect the productivity and level of profitability of the company. It is worth noting that in some situations it is preferable to demonstrate power to employees by firing a colleague for non-fulfillment of official duties. There are no irreplaceable people - each member of the team must be clearly aware of the significance of this thesis.

The leader is a vivid example for employees, therefore colleagues should see a self-sufficient person in the face of the boss. Do not forget to save without succumbing to provocations. A good boss will always find a favorable way out of difficult situations by properly motivating the team.

January 16, 2014, 03:21 pm

• Is it possible to become a tough leader with a soft character?
• Is it possible to boost self-confidence?
• Is it possible to become more demanding with subordinates?

It turns out you can! And with a 100% guarantee!

1. Why do subordinates not perceive you as a leader?

Probably, many novice leaders could tell about their confusion. Feeling like your head is literally spinning. About fear, about resentment towards others, about helplessness and much more. The reason for all this is your self-doubt, shame, and irrational anxiety.

At every moment of time you feel yourself in danger, at every moment of time you are waiting for some kind of catch. Your body reacts to it. Muscles contract, you try to become small. Be invisible. Your body reacts as if you were about to be hit in the head with a club. Your voice barely breaks through the muscle clamps in your diaphragm. It becomes quiet and subtle.

Do an experiment, swing a stick at a person, see how he shrinks. And you have this irrational fear. And you are constantly in such a compressed state. Well, to one degree or another.

Now think about how subordinates will perceive such a leader. A leader who strives to become smaller tries to quickly get out of contact. Whose voice barely breaks out of his chest. Such a strangled voice.

Internal timidity, uncertainty of the leader, is unconsciously read by subordinates. The desire to obey them disappears completely. In addition, they turn on the hierarchical instinct. They feel psychologically stronger than you. Hence the smiles towards the leader, hence the impudence and rudeness.

The work of the hierarchical instinct is clearly visible in adolescents, how they mock the weak. Especially girls. How many stories were on the central channels. How teenagers beat weaker peers almost to death, and at the same time they also shoot on the phone and post it on YouTube.

The leader should not look weak! Feelings of anxiety, feelings of shame and inferiority need to be worked out! When you work through the feeling of anxiety, your muscle clamps will relax, you will not slouch, shrink. Your voice will be loud and clear! The walk will be sure! The look is straight and prickly!

And at this moment, the same “field of power” will arise by itself. The same voltage field. Tension is not for you, but for your subordinates. Already they will shrink into a ball at the sight of you. And the hierarchical instinct will work for you!

And do not forget that you have another advantage, you can simply fire an employee you do not like. Getting fired is very easy. According to the labor code, only one remark or reprimand is provided for violation of the regulations. And then dismissal.

The main thing is that you don't feel guilty about it. But more on that below.

2. Why can't you demand from subordinates?

You need to assign a task to a subordinate, and designate a deadline.

And when the moment of agreement on the timing comes, and you need to ask, conditionally, whether the task will be completed by Friday by 17-00.

And at the same time, you need to speak loudly and clearly! Stand in an open position, and look the subordinate directly in the eyes! And shut up. And without looking away, wait for an answer.

And you have a lump in your throat, you start to look away. You begin to "flicker", you seek to break contact. Because you have a deep conviction that you are not complete. You are wrong. You are not worthy to lead others.

This belief is not realized, it is embedded in you since childhood. When your parents scolded you as a child, you shrank into a ball, you tried to get out of contact. This conditioned reflex has been preserved. Remained into adulthood. And in a certain stressful situation, you again have the same feelings of fear and shame, and a sense of your inferiority.

Remember at school there were a conditioned reflex. When Pavlov's dogs salivated when they called. Exactly the same thing happens to you. You have a certain neural pattern formed in your brain. And a signal circulates through it.

It starts in a stressful situation. And it was formed in childhood, when you were a helpless child. But the same program, like a conditioned reflex, is also launched in adulthood. When you are no longer a helpless child. And you can respond to the threat. What does it mean to bark so that everyone around shut up!

But that doesn't happen. It does not happen because this conditioned reflex is triggered in you. And you react with your body. Your legs are weak. The diaphragm shrinks, you cannot squeeze out a single word. And this happens every time. And it's a vicious circle. And with each subsequent such situation, you have an even stronger conviction that you are not complete. You cannot lead. And with each iteration, this belief is strengthened.

What should be done? It is necessary to remove this feeling of own inferiority, the feeling of shame for oneself. How? See below!

3. Why can't you punish subordinates?

This is not the first time your subordinate has violated the job description, and according to the regulations, you are obliged to punish him.

And you can't do it! You can't mentally!

You have an irrational sense of guilt, like it's your fault that it doesn't work well!

You don't realize it. You react with your body. You have such a "cotton" state, and your brain automatically comes up with an excuse why this time it does not need to be punished.

As a result, again you agree that this is the last time. And everything repeats from the beginning.

The reason for this is the same. Situations in childhood, where you were “blamed” by your parents, “blamed” on the case, and just like that.

The conditioned reflex is fixed. And as an adult, you react like a child.

The treatment is the same. Feelings of irrational guilt need to be worked through.

An important point. Before working through guilt, you need to work through feelings of irrational anxiety and shame. Since if you feel fear, shame, a feeling of inadequacy, a feeling of guilt may also come back to you.

How to treat all this?

An example on the study of excessive anxiety:

Let's say you need to perform in front of a large number of people. And even at the thought of such a performance, you are thrown into a cold sweat. You start to shake. That is, that conditioned reflex is triggered in you, which was developed in deep childhood, when you were a very small child. When you accidentally get into some place where there are a lot of adults, and you are left alone. And it’s quite normal for a child to be very scared at that moment. And this situation is imprinted in your brain as extremely dangerous.

And now that you are an adult, in a similar situation, the brain tries to shield you from such danger. It includes trembling in the knees, and cold sweats. So that you quickly leave this place where there are a lot of people. He does not understand that you are already an adult, and this is not dangerous for you. It is this automatic reaction of the body that needs to be canceled. You need to remember the situation, the situation in childhood, which caused such a reaction of the body. Shrink reaction. And cancel it.

How to do it?

Below is a book that not only gives understanding, but also allows you to solve such problems. The book explains in detail how it works. It gives instructions on how to change the body's response to a stressful situation. How to send a different signal through neurons to respond to stress, not like a child, but like an adult. And this neural pattern is transformed. The conditioned reflex will stop working, as the neural connections will change.

You will no longer react to stress like a child! You will not shrink and shake! You will react like an adult, like a leader.

Your behavior will change. Your walk. Your opinion. Your voice. You will become a confident, strong leader!

4. How to get tougher - not the right approach (in the video)

It would be a mistake to use the approach the person in the video recommends. In simple terms, he proposes to break oneself, that is, to act through resistance, through internal barriers. He suggests, through thousands of repetitions, to develop a new skill, confident behavior.

It is immediately clear that he has never had such problems, he thinks so simply, you can step over your sensations in the body, through your clamps, and just try to look strong and confident. But such people, who try to look not what they are, always look ridiculous and pathetic. Our approach is to remove those psychological barriers that prevent us from saying "No!".

And when you remove these psychological barriers, neutralize these interfering unconscious programs, you will get a huge advantage compared to this person in the video. Since he had never been in the “body” of an insecure person, the right programs immediately worked in him, and you were.

And you removed these negative programs, and you know how they are felt by others, and this gives you the opportunity to see how these programs work in other people, what triggers they run. You literally feel the weaknesses of your opponents, you feel their pain points, you know how to put pressure on them.

And it would be just a crime against yourself not to use these technologies that lead you to a comfortable psychological state, a state without stress and tension. You won't have to force yourself to say the word "no" anymore. It will fly off your lips by itself, fly organically and congruently, you won't even notice it. So finally download these techniques, don't torture your body, it deserves your love!