Every person who strives to achieve certain success in life takes some action to develop certain skills in himself, with the help of which he can achieve the desired results. Anyone who dreams of becoming a doctor masters the basics and subtleties of medicine. Anyone who wants to advance in the career of a lawyer masters jurisprudence. A creative person polishes his skill in painting, literature, sculpture or. There are many examples. But is there something that a person should have, regardless of what profession he has chosen, what position he holds, or in what direction he decided to develop? Is there anything that a person needs to achieve success in any field of activity and in life in general? Surely we will not make a mistake if we talk about a person’s self-confidence, especially when it comes to public speaking.
In our today's article, we will not teach you the intricacies of oratory (by the way, you can take a training course on this topic), but we will touch on it as such. But more interesting is that the topic of oratory will be considered by us in conjunction with the topic of developing self-confidence.
But do not think that the tips that you will learn below are designed only for people whose activities are related to public speaking. In fact, the information from this article will be very useful to every person, regardless of their occupation, profession, gender, age, etc. And this is largely due to the fact that information is taken as a basis from the book of the famous teacher, psychologist, writer and simply an outstanding and intelligent person - Dale Carnegie called "".
We do not pretend to be an exhaustive analysis of this work, because. it would be best if you go through it yourself after reading it, but we want to introduce you to some of the most interesting, in our opinion, the key points of the book.
How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public: 10 Tips from Dale Carnegie's Book
For starters, it’s important to note that Dale Carnegie’s own book, How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public, focuses for the most part on the art of public speaking, implicitly touching on the topic of developing self-confidence. Based on this, we bring to your attention our collection of ten tips.
Dale Carnegie confidently asserts that self-confidence, like the ability to speak eloquently in public, is not something inherent in a person from birth. Anyone who has a sincere desire can develop self-confidence and develop their oratory skills. All this can be compared, for example, with the ability to play poker, because, although it is considered difficult, it is not some kind of incomprehensible science.
Any person who sets himself and shows the appropriate diligence, can learn to play poker excellently. The same is true with public speaking and self-confidence - do the appropriate exercises, and the result will not be long in coming.
Any person in life has situations when everything is “out of the blue”: things are not going well, the mood is at zero, there is no confidence either in oneself or in the future. If this happens, Dale Carnegie recommends doing what the 26th US President Theodore Roosevelt did. When he was discouraged, he would look at a portrait of Abraham Lincoln and ask himself what he would do in a similar situation.
In other words, you need to find a role model for yourself (an example for action), for example, a movie character, historical figure, or fictional work hero that you admire, and try to see the situation through his eyes. And after the “picture” of his actions appears in your mind, act as your hero would have done.
One of the best ways to develop self-confidence is proper appearance. If a person wears dirty clothes, does not take care of himself, etc. his self-confidence automatically falls, even if he does not notice it. If he has ironed trousers, a clean shirt, clean shoes, etc., and he himself is combed, shaved and smells good, then he feels accordingly.
You yourself have probably noticed more than once how your mood changes, depending on the appearance. Use this knowledge - your self-esteem will always be at the highest level, and hence your self-confidence too. In addition, if you are performing on stage, think about who is more pleasant to listen to: the one who looks great, or the one who looks like a tramp?
Developing any quality or skill, whether it be self-confidence or the ability to speak publicly, you should never count on amazing quick results. Remember, learning anything is a gradual process. But even this is more important, but the fact that there often comes a period when there is a feeling that you are standing still. This is called a period of stagnation.
The key point here is that in no case should you quit what you started and give up. If you feel like your public speaking skills aren't getting better despite constant practice, just keep improving. Remember: there will come a time when all the effort and minutes of waiting will more than pay off in the form of an amazing qualitative leap.
What do you think determines the success of a speaker's speech? From its volume? How well prepared is she? Alas, this is far from the case. According to Carnegie, the success of any speech depends on whether there is a need in the mind of the speaker himself to speak out, whether there is a clear idea in his head of what he is talking about, whether his heart is on fire with this idea. If so, then success is almost guaranteed. It can be taken as a rule that a well-prepared speech is nine-tenths already delivered.
If you are preparing a speech, remember that you cannot take it and prepare it as if by magic - once - and you're done! Real high-quality speech should take shape, become mature. And this is all the more important the more impact you want to have on future listeners.
It is best to choose a topic in advance, and then think about it in any free minute that appears. You should discuss it, ask yourself different questions about it, write down any thoughts about it. Keep in mind that wonderful and deep thoughts can visit you at any time. Only a carefully prepared speech will be able to hit the "bull's eye", i.e. reach people's minds and "hook" them.
Do not think that the preparation of the speaker's speech ends at the stage of memorization. Once your speech is ready, you need to start its constant rehearsals. You need to rehearse at any time: when you are busy with household chores, when you walk with the dog, when you take a shower or bath. And it’s best to regularly set aside time to retire and fully deliver a speech from beginning to end - emotionally, gesturing, with a message, addressing a real audience. The better your speech is rehearsed, the more impact it will have on the audience, and the better you yourself will feel during your speech.
During a public speech, try not to make the mistake that is inherent in a huge number of speakers: when addressing the public, they look anywhere but at their listeners, as if they do not exist at all. It kills any contact, any relationship between the speaker and the audience.
Strive to draw people into your conversation. If you are asking a question, then ask it to a specific person. If you say something, then do it while looking someone in the eye. Only in this way will the listener feel your message, understand that you are not talking to the walls, but to him.
Another mistake that speakers make is the formal beginning of the speech and the desire to show that careful preparation was carried out for it. You need to do it with precision, but vice versa. Your performance should look natural, free, almost improvised. You can make a speech unintentional by applying simple tricks, for example, by starting a speech by mentioning recent events or by continuing the conversation that preceded the speech. Keep in mind that the more natural the performance, the more interesting and effective it is.
Dale Carnegie often talks about very simple things, such as the fact that a person's speech is a reflection of his manner of communicating with the people with whom he most often communicates. Based on this, he recommends taking an example from Abraham Lincoln, who talked a lot with writers. Spend more time with educated people who have a rich and varied speech - your speech will automatically change and become brighter. But remember that communicating with people whose vocabulary is poor will affect your speech in exactly the opposite way.
Dale Carnegie's advice seems to be very effective, despite its simplicity. And as already mentioned, they can be applied not only to oratory, but in general to any activity, and also simply to increase your personal productivity. We only covered ten tips in this article, but there are actually many more, so we highly recommend you check out How to Build Self-Confidence and Influence People by Speaking in Public.
We wish you self-confidence and bright performances!
Foreword
Hello, friends! I am pleased to welcome you and I am pleased to present my training - the 12-step program for self-confidence.
The 12 steps is a path that I once walked and that still helps me a lot in life. This training will definitely help you, if only you want it!
The purpose of the training is to look at ordinary things in a new way, develop new thinking and skills of a confident person, change not only behavior, but also consciousness.
In the book you will find many different techniques. Each technique must be used and repeated as often as possible - only in this way can you make confident ways of thinking and behavior habitual for yourself.
How to work with training?
It is best to do the exercises that are most interesting to you first. What works well, do as often as possible!
Then start mastering techniques that are a little more difficult. Memorize individual phrases, train on relatives, friends, and cats in the backyard. Look for situations where you can apply techniques in the "field".
Be sure to write down the exercises you practice. And do not pay attention to the obscure places of the training: you can return to them later. What seems difficult, do it last.
So, the main rule: from simple to complex. Read the book several times - this will ensure that most of the techniques are memorized. And, of course, train, dare, move step by step to confidence and success.
Uncertainty is an acquired complex that is formed during life under the influence of the environment. Doubting individuals have a very difficult life and, as a rule, they achieve little. This needs to be actively combated. Below we will describe a few tips that will help you understand how to develop self-confidence and form a strong-willed character.
Why do we become like this?
There are a number of factors that influence the formation of our status in life. Will we be confident and wealthy or will we live, using other people's opinions, advice, being afraid to express our point of view.
Most often, this comes from childhood, when parents make mistakes in upbringing, accumulating a huge baggage of complexes for their children. Here's how it goes:
- Mothers are overprotective of babies and not-quite-babies. With their pathological concern, they do not allow the child to grow on his own: to make mistakes, correct them. In addition, they infect children with fears so that they are then once again afraid to move;
- The reverse side of the coin is too strict parents. They do not want to lose authority so much that they crush all the desires of the child to assert themselves. Constant punishment scares him. Having matured, such a person does not change much. Crushed and frightened, he goes through life quietly and imperceptibly;
- Comparison is one of the main mistakes: “Petechka from the second entrance, she studies for fives, and you!” Adults try to hurt children's sense of pride, in the hope that they will begin to live as they should. But, they usually stumble upon such an answer: “Well, okay, then adopt Petechka!” After many years, he gets used to the fact that Petechka is better than him and does not try to achieve something, since self-esteem has long been underestimated.
There are other reasons, you can’t list them all, you won’t take them into account. Anyone who wants to get rid of their investigation will have to figure out their childhood memories and find them there. To have something to push off from.
In this video, Pavel Bagrov will tell you how you can develop charisma and confidence in yourself, 5 really working ways:
How to cultivate self-confidence?
You will have to fight the complex alone. First of all, this is an internal work containing the following tasks:
- Learn or force yourself, if it makes more sense, see the positive around. Often, weak-willed people have solid negative garbage in their heads. Throw it out. This will greatly cheer you up and those around you, they, in turn, will want to communicate with you more often, they will begin to come for advice, which will raise their self-esteem;
- learn don't listen to people's opinions, especially negative ones. Let them say that you can not, unworthy. This is their right, they are not able to evaluate you. Reach out to those who think the opposite, get infected with their energy - this is your need now.
- Watch your posture keep your back straight. In a strong person, the appearance should be appropriate.
These three simple rules do not require much effort, but they are great for changing the internal mood. Remember: good thoughts in my head and the same people nearby .
Do good to others
Help as much as you can:
- Friends;
- Familiar;
- Alien;
- sick and healthy;
- Children and old people.
Do charity work, participate in volunteer events. You don't have to be rich to do this, just have an open heart and a sense of compassion. Understand: "Who, if not me!" People will thank you, wait for your arrival, call.
You will feel your importance for society as a whole and for everyone in particular. You will fall asleep with a sense of self-fulfillment, and wake up with a feeling of endless enthusiasm in anticipation of the upcoming useful deeds.
How can you help your teenager gain self-confidence?
This is an extremely important and dangerous age. The fate of the future personality depends on the correct wise actions of parents. How to help her to be strong and held?
Don't let classic mistakes:
- Conduct all serious conversations, clarifications without witnesses. At this age, people are vulnerable, if they are scolded in the presence of a friend (deservedly or not - it does not matter), you can leave a wound for life;
- Learn how to properly present your position. Not somewhere in the garden, on the playground, at the institute, but here, at home with you. So you explain to him how to behave in a critical situation;
- Always leave him a choice, compromise;
- When the child is small, play out life situations more. Moreover, he should lead, and you should suggest how to behave;
- Be sure to praise, hug and pity when circumstances so require;
- Learn to adequately respond to unsuccessful jokes, not to take them to heart.
It is easy to advise, everything is individual, there is no universal remedy. Become flexible, because it is you who will have to bend under the teenage child - this is the wisest option. Otherwise, you will stumble upon youthful maximalism and achieve nothing.
How to gain confidence in a woman?
Girls - a separate conversation. They usually go to extremes: some know their own worth, while others, on the contrary, are modest to the point of madness. The middle option is the best.
The first need to moderate their character, and the second need:
- Stop comparing yourself to others. Women do this all the time, thereby aggravating the shortcomings;
- Start praising yourself more often. Don't wait for others to do it. You don't need them. All by yourself;
- Fight with yourself: lose extra pounds, give up bad habits. In a healthy beautiful body, an appropriate spirit;
- Do not spare money, dress beautifully, visit salons, do new hairstyles. The main mistake of many ladies, especially married ones, is that they forget about themselves;
- Find a new job. An unloved business depresses all desires and undertakings. You gradually turn into a robot, doing it;
- Treat life philosophically. Persistently accept failures, analyze them, draw conclusions.
Love and respect yourself, be able to listen to people when they talk to you, try to be a useful person, find the meaning of life. Then you will feel its importance.
Professional consultants say that they are often approached with such a problem.
No two cases are the same, but the basic tips are as follows:
- Take someone else as an example. A person who, in your opinion, does everything right, if only you could. He shouldn't be an idol. His image is needed so that you can imagine his behavior, perhaps rely on it;
- Remember, a confident person has a beautiful literate speech. Craft one for yourself. Do not mumble, speak calmly, slowly, with an arrangement;
- Learn to get out of conflict situations;
- Mistakes also need to be able to admit;
- Don't try to please everyone, it's impossible. Be good to yourself.
It becomes clear - it's not so easy to break the usual way of life, learn to evaluate yourself in a new way. But it must be done. We tried to help you and suggested how to develop self-confidence, described a rough guide to action.
Confidence Development Video
In this video, psychologist, NLP specialist Timur Vasiliev will tell you how to develop self-confidence and willpower:
Life is not simple. Some of us achieve our goals in life, feel confident walking through life, become famous and famous throughout the country, they travel all over the world, share new impressions received in other countries. And others modestly live the life given to them, unsure of themselves, unfulfilled and unnoticed, tormenting themselves with unnecessary fears. The question arises: how to become a self-confident person?
How to develop self-confidence
We all know that there are no untalented people. People are all born the same. The foundation for the formation of self-confidence is laid in a person first in the family, and then in the social environment in which he is located, where his growth and communication takes place.
Each of us has the opportunity to show his talent in some direction, to show the whole world what he is capable of. For some, these sprouts of talent can die immediately, before they have time to sprout. Many of our problems come from early childhood. When one of the people closest to him inspires a child, repeating over and over again that he is not able to do something, he will not succeed, everything is so bad for him, then the child has low self-esteem from early childhood. But many parents do not understand that it is better to praise a child than to scold.
Praise has a positive effect on the psyche of any person, whether small or large, and then unprecedented miracles occur. Everything begins to turn out for him, even what he had not been able to do before, with maximum effort. The incentive increases much, and he begins to show interest in a previously, not very favorite pastime.
Self-confidence is a character trait on which our whole life depends. Some of us in life can answer all questions, although they are often mistaken. They can stand very confidently in front of a large number of people gathered in the audience, without hesitation they can answer even the most tricky questions, and convince the audience of anything. Others have incomparable talent, they are excellent at understanding a number of issues, but when communicating, they often blush and do not clearly express their thoughts. And by doing so, they set themselves up for failure. How to deal with this shortcoming? How to change yourself? After all, this deficiency has such a negative impact on our entire life. The main thing for us is to work on eradicating this shortcoming. You need to learn to love yourself for who you really are. And each of you has a uniqueness, originality, its own beauty. You are the best.
How to increase self-confidence
In a book written by psychotherapist L.Sh. Sanford, entitled "Woman and Self-Esteem", the author believes that it is common for many women to judge themselves by their shortcomings rather than their merits. So they all know that they are sociable, good mothers, excellent specialists in their work, and just nice women, but they have an extra few kilograms of weight. And they focus on that. With such a view of oneself, all positive qualities fade into the background, and they perceive themselves as a woman who, first of all, is overweight.
L.S. Sanford in his book offers us an interesting method for dealing with undeserved, low self-esteem. This method is to create a collage of all your strengths and weaknesses.
To create a collage, you need to take a blank sheet of paper and write on it, or display in any pictures, the image of yourself. You can use everything: drawings, words and even photographs. It reminds us of making a wish map in our life. But you need to create yourself real, what you are at the moment. When composing a collage, it is very important to place yourself in the center, and distribute the existing shortcomings along the periphery.
This is one of the best ways to get to know yourself, as well as gain solid self-confidence, according to psychotherapist Sanford. With the help of a collage composed in this way, you can see what you really are. Such minor flaws as being overweight will be lost along with your virtues: gorgeous hair, understanding of a sense of humor, respect among the people around you. Collage allows you to make a correct assessment of the "picture as a whole" and not dwell on the shortcomings.
L.Sh. Sanford recommends that in addition to making a collage, ask your relatives to help describe your habits, and all of you in general. It has long been customary that we often listen to the people around us, and not to ourselves. Therefore, this description of you from the lips of the people around you, relatives, relatives and friends, will give you more self-confidence.
How to increase self-esteem
To increase your self-esteem, first of all, you need to stop comparing yourself with other people. There will always be people who will be better in something, or they will have more of something. From those who are better than you, you need to take an example, but, in no case, do not compare with yourself. It is better to compare yourself with yourself. You need to look at what you were a year ago, and what you have become now. What have you achieved over the past year, what have you learned, how has your life changed. As you analyze your own actions and changes, you will gain more self-confidence, unless of course you have been working on yourself for the past year. It will be good if you learn to compliment yourself and use more and more positive statements, such as: “I am very attractive”, “I will succeed”, “I am self-confident”, "I can do anything." These statements can be hung in front of your computer, put in your wallet, or placed somewhere prominent. Self-hypnosis will help in the development self-confidence and change you drastically for the better.
You need to communicate more with those people who inspire and support you in every possible way and try to avoid communication with those who make fun of you, undermine your self-confidence.
You must acquire the thought: "If someone could do it, then I can do it too." It doesn't matter if you develop leadership qualities or lose ten kilograms of weight. The main thing is that you succeeded, and you achieved a pre-set goal.
One of the biggest secrets to your confidence is having the right posture. It can be seen that all successful people have a correct, upright posture. It is also necessary to pay attention to a free posture, a strong handshake, open palms. If you want to learn confidence, you can not use such expressions as: “probably”, “I don’t know”, “maybe”. It helps to raise self-esteem well if the word “but” appears in the conversation. For example: “You can’t buy yourself a mink coat yet, like your employee, but you can save some money to buy it, and by the beginning of winter you can buy it, and now you can go on vacation abroad.”
How not to depend on the material condition
Strive to live well - this is very important. But if you constantly try to overtake someone, you will turn your life into a closed wheel that will not bring happiness and satisfaction. Therefore, do not live "in a race" and drive away the thought "this is not enough for me", start applying the "but" method. And you will get self confidence. Start working on yourself right now.
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